Remembering my first Love and His story...

Lately everyone has been talking a lot about stories and the roles they play in our life. This shouldn't surprise me since my church is focused on stories. All of that to say, I have been reflecting a lot on my story, why I am who I am, why I do what I do, and how I got to where I am today. As days go by I learn more and more about myself, the things I want, the things I need, the things I THINK I want, the things I THINK I need, what I value as important or unimportant, who I value as important or unimportant and how each of these thoughts or ideas, whether conscious or subconscious, affect the decisions I make each and every day, they affect the conversations I have and how I have them. I want to give you a little history, but nothing too crazy since I know you have better things to do then sit at your computer and read about my story and why I feel like getting in my head space is important, maybe it’s not, maybe this is just a good outlet for me, but regardless.

Why I am who I am: I have the MOST amazing family a girl could ask for. Brothers who love well, sister-in-laws who are much more than “in-laws”, nieces and nephews that are amazing, and parents who brought us all, and keep us all together. My parents raised us to understand His story, and displayed true love with every interaction. Yes, I know nobody is perfect, no family is perfect, but our imperfections are beautiful to me. I credit a lot of who I am to my family and their portrayal of what True Love is.

Why I do what I do: If you know me, you know I am a passionate person; I have no shame in telling you what I care about. In 2007 I had an experience that would forever change my life, and ignite a passion in me that I could not even begin to comprehend, a passion that would take me outside of my comfort zone and into five different countries, one of which I knew I had to return to (if you can’t guess that country just check my blog address J ). That year I had a conversation with a twelve year old girl in Jamaica who told me she was afraid of ‘gunshot’ but because we came that day and told her about Jesus she was no longer going to be afraid and the devil was not going to win (obviously I am summarizing tremendously, but if you want to know more I will elaborate later). In that moment I knew without a doubt in my mind that I was to use my passion to speak up for those who didn’t have a voice, the orphan, the poor, the powerless. The Lord was empowering me to use my passionate personality to glorify Him; instead of myself and what I THOUGHT was important. Why me? I’m not worthy; my story is too full of baggage. How could He POSSIBLY use me?

How I got where I am today: After this passion to speak for the orphan, the poor, the powerless was ignited in me the Lord began opening door after door after door. He started opening doors to this country I knew little to nothing about, He spoke to me in clear ways, that I was to go to Haiti, and I was supposed to take people with me. With a lot of doubt, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, and a bazillion other emotions, I slowly, by no strength of my own, began walking through these doors that were opened, one by one next thing I knew I was leading a group of individuals to the Hands and Feet Project in Haiti. I asked myself again, why me? How could He POSSIBLY use me? It was then that I was reminded of His story… This God that I served, the One who ignited this passion in me, came to this earth, took on human flesh so that He could feel temptation, feel anxiety, feel doubt, and fear but NOT give in to it all. He did all of that, and was then crucified because He KNEW that I would give in, that I couldn’t resist the temptations of this world. His story told me that I was worth it…His story told me that He could use me because He created me, His story told me to go, and so I did. Did it get rid of the fear, anxiety, doubts, etc...? No, but it didn’t matter, because I had Him to lean on. After our first trip I knew that Hands and Feet was an organization I wanted to be a part of, I wanted to share in their story of sharing His story. We committed to returning once a year as long as we could, but after year two I wanted more. I wanted to know the “ins and outs” how you go about caring for orphans, what sort of work happens on ‘this side’ of things. That’s when the doors began opening for me to be a part of this story here (again, obviously summarizing, but if you want to hear more, I’d be happy to share). In 2010 I left home in Cali and made the treck across the United States to move to Nashville, to finish school and be a part of the Hands and Feet story here. I feel like this is important to share because even though days may be hard being away from my family, and beating myself up for not being finished with school already, the Lord brought me here and has BLESSED me in tremendous ways. I am honestly living a little bit of a dream, and if I am honest that ugly thing called fear creeps back in and I am afraid I am going to wake up from this dream.

Needs and Wants: As thankful as I am for everything that has happened in my life over the last few years, there is still a ‘void’ that has yet to be filled. Since I was a little girl I had planned on being married when I was twenty-two, my mom married at twenty-two, my two older brothers married at twenty-two, it just made sense…Twenty-two is when you were supposed to get married.. Well apparently not for me. Twenty-Two has come and gone, and twenty-three, and twenty-four, working on twenty-five; and that ‘want’ has not yet been given to me. As I sit here and reflect on what I want I am convicted more so about what the Lord wants for me. I am brought back to a place in 2006 when I hit my ‘rock-bottom’ and I heard an audible voice tell me “Rebekah, until you can depend on Me, and Me alone, I am not giving you anybody”; I was broken and seeking fulfillment in earthly relationships, seeking fulfillment based on my timeline and He told me He had something more for me. I did great for a long period of time, seeking Him first, asking Him to continue to reveal Himself to me, and then it became routine…I slowly found myself no longer seeking Him with all of my heart and soul, but just living day to day, and that void returned. I desire a beautiful Christ-centered relationship, but today I am reminded that He desires that of me. Is it wrong to desire to be married? No, but when that desire is stronger than your desire for the Lord it, like anything else becomes an idol. These ‘things’ may not even be ‘bad things’ that you long for, or give all of your attention to, but when it exceeds your desire to love Him, serve Him, and be intentional in your relationship with Him it becomes unhealthy.. As I began writing this blog post yesterday a friend of mine (who I haven’t talked to in almost a year mind you) called me and shared a scripture that he had been convicted of and I feel like it is so fitting:

“I see what you have done, your hard work, your refusal to quit. I know you cannot stomach evil, that you weed out apostolic pretenders. I know your persistence, your courage in my cause, that you never wear out. BUT you walked away from your first love-why? What’s going on with you anyway?” – Revelation 2:2-4 (The Message)

I have desires, I have wants, I have passions, but I don’t EVER want to forget my first love, the One who made ALL stories possible.

I definitely did not write/process everything I wanted to, soooo “to be continued”

Continuing the journey,

Bek

Shock, Guilt, Anger, Sadness, Adjustment, Reconstruction, Acceptance

As many of you have heard our Children s Village in Jacmel, Haiti was robbed nearly two weeks ago. It happened early morning of November 19th. The following entry is how I processed the event...Forgive me if it gets jumbled, I am still processing, but felt like it was fair for all of you to know how you can be praying for our team.

SHOCK- On November 19th my brother who was home from Haiti with me for Thanksgiving came in my room and woke me up in a panic, I was not completely coherent yet since we had just gotten back to my house from Haiti late the night before, I was exhausted and in a pretty deep sleep. Anyway, he woke me up extremely panicked saying "Jacmel, got robbed! I knew it would happen right when we left, I cant believe it!" I jumped out of bed and immediately started making a couple of phone calls. Got on facebook and I already had numerous messages from people asking me what had happened. I was still in shock, this couldn't happen to us, nothing like this has ever happened before. I knew it was a possibility because of the recent stent of robberies in the area made against other missionaries, but it still remained unreal. The only way I can think to describe it was SHOCK. We finally got word that everyone was okay and that the men had taken a large amount of money and electronics, but they did not physically harm anyone. Praise the Lord. The rest of the day my brother and I walked around in disbelief. This place that we had been visiting for years, where 67 of some of the most amazing children I know call home, this place I had called home for the last three months, and my brother calls home currently, this place where people who I consider my family call home now, had been violated, and there was not a thing I could do about it. All I could think of was I needed to get down there. I needed to hug the kids and grasp my family and let them know I loved them, I hadn't said it enough.

GUILT- After being on the phone all day with staff and family I think the shock of the event had began to wear off, I continued processing and found myself feeling guilty. The reality had set in that myself, my brother, Dana, Tamara, and a group had left the day before. We hadn't been staying in Jacmel just as a precaution but we had visited Jacmel that Wednesday so we could see the kids and staff. However, my brother, Tamara, and Dana had been staying in Jacmel. This was really hitting home. Cameron and I started talking and I was feeling bad that I wasn't there, and so was he. I mean, why not us? We were JUST there, one of the rooms they broke into was my room this summer, it was the room where Dana and Tamara had slept, one of the other rooms was my brothers room, currently, and the other was home to our newest staff members, people who had sacrificed a lot to move to Haiti to serve and this is how they were welcomed? Why them? Why not us? Why Stacie, why Cam, why Carrie, why Stephen, why Matt, why Kyle, why Josue, why?

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,neither are your ways my ways,declares the LORD." Isaiah 55:8

Not to say that God 'made' this happen to these loved ones, but He was telling me, "Rebekah I know what I am doing, I am in control." I wanted to be in control, I didn't want them to hurt, I wanted to take whatever emotions they were going through from them. I did not understand why it wasn't us. Well, in retrospect I am certain there were a ton of reasons. When I was talking to Stacie, and she was talking through the grieving process with me that she is dealing with (obviously much different than my process since she walked through it) she was asking the same "why" questions, but asking why her, etc. I told her that I have to believe that the Lord knew what He was doing. If anybody could handle a violation of that sort it would be them. For me, my struggle with anxiety, I literally would have probably died of a heart attack from fear. Cameron, is a reactor, he would have tried to defend himself, and in turn could have put more people in harm. Although it does not take the GUILT away, I am thankful that His ways are not mine.

ANGER- After getting over the shock of the event, and the guilt that I carried I began to get angry. Who does that? Who steals from those who are trying to help them? Who takes from children? Who thinks it is okay to make their own way into a home that is not theirs? Did they think of the repercussions of their actions, who it would affect? That whatever they took wouldn't fix what they are looking for? Ugh, apparently I am still dealing with the anger part because it makes me mad as I type this. I found myself praying that justice would be served, these men would be caught and 'get what they deserved' and then He whispered

"God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you and give relief to you who are troubled" 2 Thessalonians 1:6-7

This isn't my battle. I was reminded of the deep voodoo traditions that are ingrained within this culture and knew that this was not a battle that we could fight.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."Ephesians 6:12

SADNESS- So by now I had been in shock, felt guilty, and then was just plain pissed. Then the sadness hits, the 'what-if' game (which is not healthy for anyone I might add). I just wanted to talk to Stacie, one of my best friends, the girl I shared a room with all summer, who I met in February and knew from that moment that we would be close forever. I wanted to hear from Cam, to know that he was okay and was going to be able to recover from the feeling of helplessness. I wanted to hear from the Mulligans, this couple I barely know but feel like I have known forever, to encourage them that life in Haiti truly is great despite the opposition they had come against. I was simply SAD, I just wanted to cry. I had school that evening and remember getting a text from my brother saying he was crying and just didn't get it. We were both so sad... so, so sad. Our family was hurting and there was not a thing we could do about it. We clung to each other, Tamara, and Dana, they knew how we were feeling, we all stayed in touch with one another since we did not have contact with our family in Haiti. We begged for the "Joy of the Lord, to be our strength." Because, we sure as heck didn't have any.

ADJUSTMENT- I began accepting that there was nothing that could be done about the way I was feeling, I had to let my emotions do what they were going to do. The team in Haiti began moving forward with the transition process. Stacie had to come back to the states to get her heel taken care of that she had broken during the event, the team remaining in Jacmel had to move all of our staff and children to a safe temporary location. Our priority is safety of our staff and kids, and our team believed at that time that Jacmel was not the safest option. They began transporting 50+ children to another location. Thankfully the majority of the kids had no idea what had happened, or at least had not witnessed it, so to them this was a little vacation, and they were excited. I imagine this moment being bitter sweet for the staff, being ready for a new adjustment, but we cannot ignore the fact that they were leaving their home. In Haiti you cling to the little that you have that is comfortable because so much of life there is uncomfortable. Yet, the team that went through this, I believe, 'get' this, they did what they had to do, letting go of any bit of comfort that 'home' may have given them.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

RECONSTRUCTION- After adjusting to this new transition of having moved all of our staff and kids the reconstruction process began. I really wish I was there for this part. All of our HAF kids were now living in the same location and had to adjust, had to reconstruct some things, many things to make this work, but the children made sure it happened. During the reconstruction process the group of children whose home was about to be invaded welcomed their 'cousins' with open arms. The boys said, "we should all share beds so they have beds to sleep on", the girls gave up their second uniform for school for the other girls to wear so they would not feel ' out of place' wearing a different uniform than all of the other children. Mind you, these are kids who came from an ugly situation just a few short years ago, where they had NOTHING of their own, and not even enough of ANYTHING to share, and they were willing to give up what was 'theirs' to ensure their guests felt comfortable. We can learn a lot from children and their willingness to sacrifice. There has been a lot of reconstruction on this end as well, I have had to forget the beginning of this grieving process and move forward so I can do everything in my power to help where help is needed. Decisions have to be made, money has to be raised, emails need to be responded to. A lot to get done to continue this reconstruction, but I can tell you right now the Lords hand has certainly been in this. Relationships are being nurtured and lives are being changed. Someone posted this quote today and I find it perfectly fitting for this step:

‎"The hand of God seems intent on bringing meaning out of randomness, purpose out of chaos."

ACCEPTANCE- Now this is a tough one, not sure I have even began this process yet, nor am I certain that anyone in the HAF family has began this process. There is still a lot of grieving and healing to do and I am sure there will be for awhile, but we can say with certainty that the Lord is moving each of us forward and we trust that He will heal each of us. It will be a long journey and for many of us it will be much longer for some than others, but we have each other to lean on and to encourage one another, when days are hard, and nights are long we are here for one another. Everyone who is a part of this team, and that includes you, those of you who commit to praying for us daily, those of you who support this journey we are on, who walk alongside of us, thank you.

You may have recognized those 'steps' as the grieving process, and like I stated earlier it is the best way I could think to put words to my emotions. There is so much going on and I am certain there will be for a long time. So let me tell you how to pray, but first let me tell you why to pray, not just because you can, but because the Lord answers specific prayers. Below is a post from Stacies blog but it is a conversation that we had...that gives me the chills EVERYTIME I think about it, everytime I read it, just acknowledge that this moment really happened. She has already worded it, so I am not going to even pretend like I can put words to it:

"During those moments, Carrie kept repeating "Jesus is here, Jesus is with us" and it was so very calming to my heart.
And I think it was her repeating those sweet reminders that made me remember another specific verse.

It was a verse I had just days before written as encouragement on the wall of an fellow missionary friend who had been robbed. Psalm 34:7.

"The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and He delivers them."

As I remembered the words of that verse, those precious words, I got this vision of this great and mighty army of angels encamped in a circle all around us, acting like a divine barrier of protection between us and the men.

And then I understood why God had us in what seemed like THE WORST possible place in the whole compound, out in the open and exposed.
He was showing me that His mighty army of angels needed us there so that His whole army had room to protect us....because really what seemed like the worst place to be was actually THE BEST place we could be.

It was the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me.
I don't want to sound like a whack job, but I promise you the visions that I saw were so clear, so profound, that it was almost like God was allowing me a glimpse into the unseen world to show me His greater purpose of our situation that I would have never grasped, never understood the purpose in being in that scary of a situation, if He didn't.

But God's Kingdom is always like that, isn't it?
Things are backwards.
Things that should make sense don't, things that shouldn't make sense do, and when you're most tempted to think God is no where to be found, really He's closer than you could ever imagine.

Days later, I was telling this to one of my best friends, Rebekah.
She told me she couldn't believe I was saying those words. Because the night before the break in, she was at our sister site in Grand Goave, and had prayed these words for us: "Lord, I pray You'd send a mighty army of angels to surround that compound and to keep them safe."
The very same words.
She prayed those very same words.
Wow.
We sobbed together at the faithfulness of our Lord.
And how everything, EVERYTHING, points to His glory."

Did you catch that? The EXACT thing that my mom and I prayed for on the phone on Thursday night in Haiti became a reality on that early Saturday morning. Wow..

You may be reading this wondering how I can be affected so dramatically when I wasn't even there...all I have to say to that is, "The Haiti Connection" I don't get it, and don't think I ever will, but I know the Lord has bonded me with these people for a reason so I'll take it...

Now onto what you can pray for. Pray for safety of our staff and children, pray that these men will be caught, and as difficult as it is to say, more importantly that they will come to know Christ through this, pray for our children as they are in a much tighter space right now, pray they will be thankful for a safe place, pray for funding to replace all that was stolen, pray for healing for our staff that was violated, and the children who witnessed it, pray that the Lord will use ALL of this for His glory, that His story will shine through this even if we can not currently see it, pray for rest for our staff, pray for all of the other missionaries who have been violated as well, pray for their healing and funding needed to replace what was stolen. Lastly, pray that none of us EVER forget how He showed up that night, when THEY arrived, HE was there with HIS army...

If you are able to donate to help with the funds that were stolen you can do so here

If you want to read about the other ministries affected by these robberies you can do so here, and here

I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read this, and the time to pray for us, it means the world to me and I know it means the world to the entire Hands and Feet family.

Still continuing this journey,
Bek

We're headed back to Haiti...

As many of you know there are a group of us who travel to the Hands and Feet Project once a year since our first visit in February 2009. Since 2009 over twenty people have traveled to HAF as a part of this group. Five of the original eight have returned each year. This year is a little different, since our first trip three of us have completed internships, one is a full-time missionary in Haiti, and another is a full-time staff member stateside. To say that I am overwhelmed is a bit of an understatement when I look back just three years ago and see how far the Lord has brought us in this journey of being His hands and feet it absolutely blows my mind! Well, even with the changes in our group dynamic we are still committed to take a team down once a year and our fourth trip is rapidly approaching. This year we have a team of eight, as of now, and 4 spots still open. We are hoping to take down a full team once again, so more individuals can fall in love with this place just like we did 3 years ago. We are so excited and so ready to return... This year funding has been a bit more difficult for most of us, as you can imagine, we still have quite a bit of money to raise in the next few weeks, we will be purchasing our airfare before the end of the month and are short approximately $2000 at this point. If you feel like you are able to donate towards our trip you can do so by using the chipin widget in this blogpost or emailing me for other ways that you can donate... rebekahpeoples@aol.com. I know I say this before each trip that we take, but the truth is these trips could NOT happen without each of you, without your prayers, encouraging words, and financial support. My heart is so sincere when I say I cannot say Thank You enough, to EVERYONE who has been a part of this journey, whether you have been on a trip or have just supported us in some way over the years, we could not do it without you so Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. You have played a part in the Lord breaking our hearts for His children. As always if you have any questions regarding our trips feel free to comment here or shoot me an email and I will answer any questions you have to the best of my ability! I truly appreciate each and everyone of you, and thank you for taking the time to read this...I have another much needed post coming soon, just allow me to get through finals :o)





Continuing the journey,

Bek

It’s the little things…The “Haiti Connection”

I apologize that this blog is a few days overdue, a lot has happened since my most recent return from Haiti and I have not had the chance to sit down and share yet another piece of my heart with you. On November 11th I headed back to Florida to meet up with a group to take down to Hands and Feet. This was going to be our first “Expedition” group, and I had the wonderful opportunity of being the “leader”. Despite how many times I can come and go from Haiti the uncertainty of what could happen always gets to me, especially bringing down a group of people that I did not know. However, let me tell you, the Lord most definitely orchestrated this team of 9. I could not have asked to be a part of a group any better than these individuals. We all connected in what those of us who have been to Haiti like to call the “Haiti-Connection” emotions that you experience when you go on this journey that those who have never been will not understand, no matter how often you try and explain it. But, before I get to this group and our time in Haiti, I want to touch on the “Haiti-Connection”, this summer I had the wonderful opportunity to meet a group of people that work for Be Like Brit. They were staying at Mission of Hope, where our staff stayed as well, until our new home in Grand Goave was built. Anyway, I was able to build this “Haiti-Connection” with PJ, Ross, and Pat. Even though we have literally only seen each other a handful of times in our life I feel like I have known them forever. Well, on the 11th I was able to meet up with Ross & PJ for dinner in Florida, and we were able to celebrate PJ’s birthday. I know it may seem so simple but I feel like it just explains this connection we have. We live hundreds of miles from one another but make it a point to stay connected! I was SOO excited to just see them and be friends in ‘real life’ ha-ha. We just get each other, we can be sarcastic and feed off of one another’s sarcasm but we know that we have a pretty ‘special’ relationship. They may argue with me right now, and say we are not even ‘real friends’ (even though I did get you a card Zanmi) but whatever. Our dinner was full of inside jokes and good stories, sorry to Dana and Kristha, but thanks for listening to us. All of that to say we experienced things together that no one may ever understand, but us. Having a network of people who have the same passion as me for this broken culture is indescribable I feel like my relationship with them illustrates this bond that I now have with a new group of people.

Now onto our time in Haiti… As I mentioned earlier this was our first Expedition trip, which is a staff-led trip that is open to individuals who do not have enough people to create a group to travel to one of our sites. This group was originally supposed to travel to Jacmel had a last minute change of plans (more on that in the next post) and we actually took the group to our newest location in Grand Goave. Having to change plans literally only a couple of days prior to departing was the perfect introduction to Haiti life, we always try and tell groups to ‘be flexible’ or ‘we plan, God laughs’, something along those lines. I do not know what it is about Haiti but you always have to expect the unexpected. I had the opportunity to go back and forth between Jacmel and Grand Goave this summer so I knew the kids there, not as well as the kids in Jacmel, but I had started building relationships with them so I was very excited to head back to their home and see them interact with a group and continue to develop my relationship with them, not to mention practice my Kreyol since those children do not speak English fluently yet, I think I may have even had myself fooled by the end of the week thinking that I can speak Kreyol, it is quite exciting! Anyway… Once we arrived on Saturday morning we were welcomed by 31 super excited children! They were so excited to have a new group come in and to show off their new home that they have only lived in since the end of August. We spent Saturday getting to know one another as well as the children, and did the same on Sunday. On Monday it was time to get going on some projects, this group did amazing! Painting, building a closet for Michelle, pulling and scraping tile to replace in the kids kitchen, they accomplished so much during the short week that we were there. Even Jay, a five year old boy, son and brother to a couple of group members, enjoyed helping Michelle paint. The kids LOVED having Jay there to play with, and I am certain he left the end of that week with 31 new best friends. Even though the group was able to accomplish a lot of physical things, I believe that the relationships that they built were much more treasured, not only did we connect with one another but nurtured relationships with the kids that will forever be engrained in their memory. It was so beautiful for me to watch. I told the group, numerous times, at the beginning of the trip that if I am a bit quiet and seem like I am observing it’s because I am. One of my favorite things about Hands and Feet and the opportunity that I have to see people experience Haiti for the first time is probably one of my ALL time favorite things to do. I love standing back and watching people as they soak in extreme poverty and in contrast soak in the abundance of love these children have to offer, I love seeing them get emotional when they don’t think that anyone is watching, or to witness the pure joy on their faces when the kids call them by name and want to show them something. During our week there I was asked why I liked to observe, and to be honest, it’s because it brings me back to that place when I first experienced Haiti and HAF, after numerous visits to Haiti you begin to take things for granted, you no longer recognize the beauty in the little things, so for me, to watch people have this first time experience it reminds me of when the Lord called me to Haiti and how I felt the first time I went, and I am then reminded to not take the little things for granted.

The little things…the moments that happen that can change an individual’s life forever, and that will forever be engrained in one’s memory. As I mentioned above I enjoy observing others because it reminds me to live in every moment and pay attention to the little things. Well this trip there is two specific ‘little things’ that will forever be engrained in my memory. On Thursday a few of the girls and I went for a walk so they could see a little more of Grand Goave. We walked down to where the kids go to school at Mission of Hope and just stopped in the field next door for a moment to chat and observe. While we were standing there we saw a young girl, who couldn’t have been more than 10 years old walk by heading up the hill carrying a FULL five gallon bucket of water on her head, with a smaller FULL two gallon bucket of water on top of that, and then carrying another FULL bucket of water. She walked passed us and said Bonjou, but you could tell she was having a difficult time carrying all of that water. We said Bonjou as well and allowed her to keep walking while we talked to the other children who were not in school, for whatever that reason may be. She made it slightly up the hill and started yelling something in Kreyol, Kristi asked me what she was saying, so we walked up to her and asked her what she needed, she said she needed help, at first I was very apprehensive because all signs told me that she was a Restavek, a child slave, and from my summer experience with Restaveks I know that they can get in trouble if someone else does their work for them. She was a girl between eight and fourteen, wasn’t in school during school hours, and was carrying water, pretty much all characteristics of a Restavek. I asked her where she needed to go and she pointed up the hill so I thought maybe we could help her walk part way up, but not all the way to her house, and she asked again for help…now she was shaking and sweat was dripping down her face, at that moment it no longer mattered what appearance this gave, this little girl needed help, I grabbed the bucket off the top of the five gallon bucket, Kristi grabbed the one from her hand and we started walking up the hill, Teressa joined us. She went on to tell me that her mom was sick and couldn’t walk and she was so happy that we were able to help her, I communicated what she was saying to the girls and they were a bit in awe, like “Wow, is this really happening” and at that moment I was reminded that it is the little things…These are stories you will take with you the rest of your life and here I was taking it for granted, just like it was no big deal, but to this little girl it made all the difference in the world that these “Blans” were helping her! We finally made it up to her house where she invited us in to their tiny hut; we were able to meet her mom, brother, and friend. They offered us a seat, as I mentioned in previous blog posts about how hospitable the Haitian people are. We took a sit for a few minutes then headed back down after her mom thanked us over and over again because she was unable to get the water for their family. I am so thankful the Lord pushed us to help her, my assumption was wrong, she was not going to get in trouble, but rather have a mother extremely thankful for a simple act of helping her daughter carry water. It’s the little things….

That afternoon the children returned from school, and Wilson one of our boys who is currently being tested for Lymphoma, went directly to bed. After a couple of hours I started asking the boys about him and where he was, why he was sleeping etc. They just kept saying, Le Fatigue… “Hes tired” Le Malad… “He’s sick” so around six o clock, after he had been sleeping since noonish I finally went into his room to check on him, he was just lying on his bed, with a bible next to him staring at the top of his bunk. I asked him if it was his Bible and he told me, no it as Jean Baptiste’s and he had let him borrow it, so he could read it while he laid down, so sweet. It wasn’t long before three of the other boys joined us and sat around Wilsons bed with me. They kept asking me if he was okay, I said he was fine, just tired. I asked the boys if they wanted to pray for him, and they said yes. I told them I would pray in English and they would pray in Kreyol, so we started praying, Colon, Robenson and Elie said some of the most beautiful prayers I had ever heard, although I could only understand parts of it, they were intently praying for Wilson to feel better so he could play with his friends the following day. After we finished praying one of the older boys came in with his guitar and two brothers sat there playing their guitar singing “Big House” in Kreyol, a song they had been teaching me all week. I sat next to Wilson on his bed while we all sang “Vinny an ale, Lakay Papa Mwen, Vinny an ale, Lakay Papa Mwen, sa grou group kay kejan anpil sham, sa grou grou tab kejan anpil manje…” and so on, it’s the literal translation of Audio Adrenalines Big House, if you want to know what I just wrote check out that song. The guitar wasn’t tuned, and nobody was singing on key, yet it was one of the most beautiful worship experiences I have EVER been a part of, it was so sincere and true, and it was right after these brothers surrounded Wilson asking for the Lords healing and without being prompted wanted to sing to our God. The little things… I was so humbled by that experience, my emotions have been a bit mixed with the diagnoses of Wilsons lymphoma, but these kids got it, they know that God is healer, but they also know that He offers more than that. It made me question my response when I experience sickness or trauma, do I turn to the Lord or do I avoid Him and try and take matters into my own hands? I like being in control, I like knowing what is going to happen next, but I learned something from those four boys on that Thursday night this November. I am SO thankful for the little things.

It was time for us to leave, which is always hard for me. I love where I am in life right now, I know I am supposed to be in Nashville, but I always feel like I am leaving a piece of my heart behind, even though I know I will be back it doesn’t make it any easier. This trip was beautiful in so many ways. Even though I missed the staff and kids in Jacmel like you wouldn’t believe there was an evident reason the Lord brought us to Grand Goave for that week. Thank you to Angie, Andrew, Faith and Michelle for being such great hosts, and thank you Steve, Jeff, Teressa, Kristi, Ashlee, Alexandra, Suzette and Jay for being such a great team! My hope is we can all go back together one day and you can experience how much of an impact you really did have on the lives of those children, when you return and they remember your name. I did get to see our kids and staff in Jacmel for a few hours during the day on Wednesday and am so thankful for that time, in retrospect that day meant more than just a few hours for a lot of reasons, more on that in my next post.

I am so thankful for the little things….

Continuing the journey,
Bek

*Part Caribbean*

Okay, so I know my blog is titled Heartbeat For Haiti, however, I am currently in Trinidad. First of all I need to apologize to all of you who actually take the time out of your day to follow my blog. I apologize that I have not written since July 5th. The last month of my stay in Haiti was very emotional as I began to prepare to leave, and upon my return I jumped right back into the American 'hustle & bustle' as we like to call it, and have not yet really allowed myself to process my time in Haiti. I am not quite sure my reasoning for this, other than the fact that I did not even know how to begin to process what had happened in the almost three months that I lived at the Hands and Feet Project. I am still not sure I have processed so please forgive me, this entry may be very scatter brained, as most of my entries are. On Saturday I arrived in Trinidad, an island in the southern Caribbean for those of you not up on your geography :) the Northern tip of Trinidad is actually only 6 miles off of the coast of Venezuela, I hope that gives you a better picture of where I currently am... Anyway, I arrived here on Saturday having no idea what to expect, I guess I was expecting somewhere between Jamaica and Haiti, which would be the obvious expectation right? Since they are the only two Caribbean islands I have visited. Regardless, you think I would have learned by now, with as many trips as I have taken out of the country since July 2007, to not have expectations, they are never met. Yet, being human, and particularly a human who likes to be in control, I have not yet found a way to get by without having expectations. We arrived in Port of Spain late on Saturday evening, and as we drove through the city heading towards our destination I had a bit of culture shock (I thought I had gotten over the culture shock thing) but not because the poverty was so intense, or everywhere you looked you saw devastation, but rather, that this country was so developed. I had no idea that Trinidad was such a developed country I felt as if I was driving around southern Florida. It was gorgeous, it did not take much convincing for me to make that statement I am already certain the Caribbean islands are the most beautiful place on earth...anyway that is for another time. I am in Trinidad taking a course for my Social Justice Major, when I had the option to either go to Trinidad or spend the spring in a classroom; the obvious decision was to travel to Trinidad for a week. I really did not understand how our time in Trinidad would fulfill a course, or really what we would be doing during the week. We arrived on Saturday evening as I said earlier, and woke up early on Sunday morning to attend the Church of God General Assembly in a different city then we are staying in. It was a long service, but full of life, I truly enjoyed the worship and the message, and the fellowship after, not to mention the Roty, an Indian dish that was quite the treat for my belly. Considering Sunday was our first full day and it is considered 'a day of rest' I knew that I still did not have a good insight as to what this week would entail. On Monday morning we woke up and began clearing the yard of WITC (the college we are staying at). I have done many service projects in a handful of countries, but this project was different. We were out clearing the yard, painting the walls, and tidying the place up alongside students here. Students who are from the West Indies, not necessarily Trinidad, but from the Caribbean Islands. It made that morning extremely special. To work alongside individuals who lived here created a certain bond between us. We made picking up grass fun! Cleveland, one of the students here from Guyana was teaching me to play rugby as we picked up the grass...it may have taken a bit longer than it should have, but it was enjoyable! I loved watching the students participate in what we were doing, they do not need us to come in here and do work for them, we were here to serve alongside them, that is how ministry should be! After completing our work project for the morning our group traveled to downtown Port of Spain and took a look at some of the history, it has been fascinating to learn more about this country that I knew next to nothing about. The architecture of the majority of the buildings here is quite mesmerizing if I am honest. I am certain I have taken more pictures of buildings and trees than I have of people. On Tuesday we traveled to San Juan to walk around and check out the open air markets. We split up into smaller groups and went on our own little adventure…Is it abnormal for me to say that when walking around the streets I feel like I am at home? Or that I don’t feel out of place? Obviously I stand out, but I don’t feel as though I do, I feel as if I am right where I belong. I do not know if that has to do with living in Haiti for the last three months, or the fact that the Lord has clearly called me to serve in this area of the world, that has been solidified even more so this week. Recently I was asked what I would like to do when I get out of school, I was not quite sure how to answer that question, if you would have asked me during the summer I would have said without a doubt that I wanted to live in Haiti full-time, but coming back to the states and beginning my work with HAF I fell in love with the stateside aspect of things that are necessary for our children’s villages to survive. Feeling a part of the greater picture has been wonderful, maybe stressful at times, but wonderful. All of that to say I was questioning what the Lord was calling me to do, should I stay in the states and be an advocate there, or should I move to Haiti and serve alongside individuals there? I still do not have a clear answer and I feel as though the Lord is telling me neither are a bad option, yet, being in Trinidad I am reminded of HOW MUCH I love this culture, I love the warm weather, I love the friendliness of the majority you come in contact with, I love the sense of “No problem mon’”, “It’s no problem”, or “Pa gen problem”. This sense, that regardless of the circumstances you may face it is never too big to bring you down, obviously sometimes life and it’s circumstances can dominate, however, there is a deep reliance on the Lord and concentration on the passage “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I love it! I am a bit overwhelmed as I actually attempt to put words to what I am feeling, but I believe without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord will continue to reveal his plan to me, as He has thus far. I am reminded of how I got to Jamaica and Haiti in the first place and must admit it was of no doing of my own…That is for another blog post, but all I can say is the Lord knows how to get my attention. On Sunday as I mentioned earlier we had the opportunity to fellowship with the congregation and while we were there I noticed myself retracting from conversation, if you know me, you know that is not what I typically do. I was overwhelmed with fear that I would allow myself to grow attach the people here. I did not want to create relationships and then leave in a week, being certain that I may never see these people again. I did not want to create more relationships with the ‘Omars”,”Kirks”,”Amables”, “Yovana’s”, and “Johnny’s” to never see them again! (Individuals that played a crucial role in my life in Jamaica, Mexico, and Panama). It is to heartbreaking when I return home knowing that I will have little communication with them. As Sunday continued and I found myself ‘reclusing’ I knew that was not what the Lord wanted for me out of this trip, yes, I may not see the individuals that I am being immersed with again, but I am called to be here now. Who knows what sort of influence they could speak into my life… and I am certain that I would remain the feeling of being deeply connected as years go on, just as I have with my family in Jamaica and Panama. As painful as it may be to not be able to call these individuals and say ‘hey, let’s get coffee’ it would be even more painful if I walked away from this trip with no new relationships. Therefore, in the last couple of days I have been very intentional in getting to know our fellow students and it has been wonderful, my heart is already beginning to ache thinking of leaving on Saturday and the relationships I will leave behind, but I know my heart would ache more if I kept to myself… I am certain I could type probably twice as much as I already have, but I want to save some mystery for the rest of the week and not overwhelm you with 5,000 words at once (I have a habit of doing that). Be praying that the Lord will continue to reveal Himself to me, pray that He will continue to guide my thoughts and actions, and pray that He will make it clear, like neon lights in the night sky clear, if I am supposed to remain in the states after graduating, or if I am supposed to move to Haiti, or wherever He may call me, and pray I will be open and submissive to what He says…
Pursuing His call….
Bek

Beautifully Heartbreaking

I never could have imagined the things that I would have seen while here in Haiti. The last two weeks have been the essence of an emotional rollercoaster. I witnessed two infants lose their life and the very next day I witnessed a mother give up her children to better their life. This mother came with two children, one her own, and one her daughters. She explained that she had seven other children and could not afford to take care of them and wanted the youngest to at least be cared for. We gave them their TB tests and HIV test and asked her to come back in two days so we could read the tests. Both tests came back negative on both children and it was time for the mother to release them us. You see, here we see ourselves as the absolute last resort for families. We want families to stay together, we don’t want to separate children and their parents, or from their siblings, but in this case it was very evident that these children were unable to be cared for by their mother. I held the boy, and a fellow staff member held the little girl. The moms hugged the children and went about continuing paperwork. We took the kids over to give them a good bath, treat them for scabies, find them new outfits, and give them something to eat. The little boy is about two and a half and the girl is five months old. As I sat there bathing him, I began to understand the reality of what had just happened, this child had left his family, to join our family, because his mom was so selfless that she just wanted them cared for! It wasn’t until a group member made the comment that, the act of giving up your children is really one of the most selfless things that could be done. She and I had many conversations about this because at moments like that it is difficult to not question parents when they show no emotion when giving up their child! Yet, at the same time, I asked myself if I had a child of my own, would I be willing to give them up if I knew it would benefit them, and my answer was probably not, I would selfishly hold onto my child despite how it would affect them. What a new perspective, what a different way to process what had just happened. The boy was attached to me for a long period of time. I brought him up to mine and Stacie’s room to nap, since he seemed tired after eating. However, as soon as we got up here, this quiet little boy who didn’t speak more than two words was a giggling machine! He would talk and lay down and sing! But as soon as we would walk outside he would become quiet again. As much as I wanted him to sleep in my room I knew it was important for him to interact with the other children so he could be comfortable with his new family as soon as possible. I let the older girls start taking care of him, and with much hesitance he left my side, but within the hour he was playing and eating meals with all of the kids! It was the most beautifully, heartbreaking thing I had ever been a part of. To see a new season of a child’s life begin, but to welcome him with open arms to be loved and give them opportunities which they otherwise may not have had. The younger mom also has another child which will probably begin living here by the end of the week. Pray for this family, despite their lack of emotion, their ‘mom-heart’ as DeAnn put it, is probably breaking. Pray these children transition well, which it appears as they are. Pray that we love them to the best of our ability and that they experience the love of Christ by simply being here.

This week the kids got their report cards and we had a special day for those who passed! If they passed with a certain percentage they were able to go to the beach and the next highest percentage was allowed to go to the beach and then we took them to Pizza! What a fun night we had! Kettia, one of the Restavek girls was even allowed to go with us! She attends the public school and told us that she passed so we decided to treat her as well! After the beach, Cameron, Stacie & I came home and got ready to take the next group to Pizza and ice cream. The kids were so excited to go out to eat, and boy can those kids eat. I am pretty certain they each ate four whole pieces of pizza, but made sure to save some for their brothers and sisters back home! We told them how proud of them we were, and to see the look in their eyes once they understood that was priceless. Again, it was a beautifully heartbreaking moment. Something so simple as good grades were celebrated and I was reminded of how encouraging it was growing up to have my mom and dad say simple words such as ‘good job’ or ‘we’re proud of you’ and these kids didn’t have that, but they do have us! They have an entire staff who loves them like their own children and my prayer is that they know we are proud of them and encourage them to continue to do well! Once we got home Stacie, Cameron, Georgina, Valencia and I walked Kettia home and on our way back we ran into Santana, another of the restavek girls. She was walking to the local well with her water jugs, in her same tattered clothes that she wears EVERYDAY. Stacie and I have been carrying around a dress to give her for almost two weeks now and we finally had the opportunity to give it to her. We didn’t want her to get in trouble for not carrying her water quick enough so we showed her the dress and told her we would wait until she took the water home and then give it to her. Her ‘owner’ then came over and we all started conversing, we had Georgina ask if Santana could come and play this week, and she actually said yes! Our hopes weren’t high, was she saying this just to ‘appease the Americans’ so we didn’t judge the reality of the situation? Or was she really going to allow this girl to come play? If so, at what cost? We don’t know the depths of the situation, we just know that she fits the exact criteria of a restavek, usually a young girl between the ages of 5 and 17, she doesn’t attend school, she carries water all day, and does many other chores…Some are beaten and abused, not all but most. Was she one that was beaten? If so, you could never tell because she walks around with the LARGEST smile on her face ALL of the time. All we could do now was wait and see if she was going to come on Monday (today). When we got back to the house my heart was heavy, not only because of the reality of the situation but because of how our girls responded to it. Georgina said “Bekah, all Santana does every day is clean clothes, carry water, wash dishes, she doesn’t even go to school.” Valencia said – “they are probably mean to her, her clothes are dirty, she doesn’t have nice ones, I think they will sell the pretty dress we gave her.” Two of our girls were recognizing an injustice that is happening right next door, they wanted to help her! They said “she needs to come to church! If she isn’t working in the morning we will invite her to church with us! She doesn’t know she is pretty, we need to tell her she is pretty. She doesn’t eat a lot, every morning we want to give her food.” Valencia said, “if she comes on Monday I am not letting her go home, I am not letting her go home on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, NEVER.” These girls were broken for their sister…..it was beautifully heartbreaking. We continued to talk about it through the evening and when Stacie came to tuck the girls in they all wanted to pray for Santana, and during their prayer (which I regretfully missed) they prayed that she would know Jesus, that she would know she is beautiful, that she could live here, and they prayed all of this behind tears. Seven girls ages 8-12 prayed for this girl behind tears! Well, today is Monday. I was doing some laundry and after lunch I walked outside and there she was, Santana was standing on our porch! In her dress! I nearly lost it. I invited her in, and gave her some lunch, I asked her if she knew she was beautiful. She ate, with a thankful heart, saying Mesi, Mesi over and over… I had one of the other girls come in and ask her if she wanted to play and she said yes. After finishing eating she came upstairs and played with the girls, and now they are on a hike…God is so good, I know she has to go home to an awful situation but the last few days have been beautifully heartbreaking. Santana stayed the night after going on the hike! It was like she was in her own palace, she had a bed to sleep on, food to eat, people to hug her and tell her she was beautiful! Georgina asked her about her life and if she would be in trouble. She told Georgina that she did all of the chores except for cook, she slept on the floor at night, and only ate one meal a day, usually dinner, she would work from sun up to sun down and do whatever was asked of her. She said she has parents who live in the mountain, and when they brought her to visit her ‘cousin’ they were unable to pick her up again. She said her parents were threatened that she would be beaten if they came back to pick her up… Well today is the 4th of July – Independence Day in America, today was also an Independence Day for Santana, even if for only one day she felt loved and cared for, she brushed her teeth and used a toilet for the first time. She had someone tuck her into bed, today was an independence day for this beautiful girl. Now, it is Tuesday and as I walked downstairs Santana was on her way upstairs to get her toothbrush and nail polish that we gave her, we told her she could stay if she asked, she seemed timid so we told her we would walk her home and on our way out her ‘owner’ was waiting for her, she said she didn’t want to go, but we told her she could come back anytime and made sure the woman heard that as well. Pray that the Lords will, will be done in her life, that she will find and accept the love of Christ simply through our interactions, and if it is possible for her to live here, I ask that, that door may open up.

On Saturday when we took the kids to the beach we connected with Roosvelt, one of the street kids who is a natural ‘artis’. Last time we saw him we told him we would bring him back some pencils and paper and crayons, and on Saturday we did just that! He was so ecstatic; he had the biggest smile on his face and said he was going to make Stacie and I something. I cannot wait to see what he drew up, I am so thankful we were able to bless this boy in what we saw was such a small way! My prayer is he pursues his passion and that he will make his living doing art! He is 14 years old and I see myself bringing a group down 10 years from now buying his art for our souvenirs! Ahh the little things! God is so good!

Sunday was my 25th birthday – a quarter of a century old – ah! Never in my life did I think I would be spending my 25th birthday in Haiti! It was a beautiful day of exploring and lots of hugs from lots of children! I woke up and was hugged and told happy birthday by all of our older girls, and when I walked out of my house the boys started screaming from across the yard, “Bekah it’s your birthday! We love you!” I wouldn’t have it any other way! Stacie and I then made muffins and went up to the Pierces where they treated me with Kauai coffee! Mmm thank you Pierces :o) Cameron said he wanted to take me to dinner so we decided to go explore a little bit. Cameron, Stacie, Kyle & I headed south to Merigot to see the beach and what else was in that direction. We drove pretty far and saw some of the most beautiful sites I had ever seen! It is so hard to believe that I am in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere especially when driving in the back of the truck along the coast! We brought Kyle back to the house and went out once more, and this time we decided to go and visit a family that we have sort of adopted to take care of, to help keep them together! I had not yet been to their village so Cameron took Stacie and I up there. This family was so excited to see us! They are so sweet and so thankful for every little thing. The father went and found all of his children and invited us in to his home. Cameron bought him a new shovel last week and he couldn’t stop talking about it! It was very difficult to communicate with him since he only speaks Kreyol and we all know very little Kreyol. But I did understand one thing, he said “I don’t know what you are saying, and you only know a little of what I am saying, but we are friends and it is good!” For me, that was a ‘kingdom’ experience. We were loving this man and his family, he was so grateful, we didn’t speak the same language but we were communicating clearly! Stacie told them it was my birthday and they all said Happy Birthday to me in English! After we finished visiting we continued to explore the coast a little bit, we found a new hotel called ‘the enchanted hill’ in English and decided to have dinner there. It was a beautiful place, and again I was questioning that I was in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere…This place is too beautiful to have that classification. All of that to say I had the best 25th birthday EVER (good thing I only get one, because I don’t think it could be topped haha).

Life is wonderful here – despite being beautifully heartbreaking, - daily, it is wonderful. God constantly shows up, despite me feeling far from the Lord, he reminds me in little ways that He is here…I am reminded of a quote my sister posted the other day : ‎"God’s silences can be powerful times for Him to communicate with you."-Blackaby Even though I may not hear Him today I will see Him in one form or another if I sit back and think about the reality of each situation I face. Pray that I recognize and acknowledge who God is in EVERY moment! Pray for continued guidance for my life and what my involvement in Haiti is supposed to look like.

Continuing the journey….
-Bek

Life & Death - not for the weak at heart...

This week I have had to learn to cling to Isaiah 65:19-20 “I will rejoice over Jerusalem and delight in my people. And the sound of weeping and crying will be heard no more. No longer will babies die when only a few days old.” What a difficult scripture to have to learn to cling to. Life in Haiti is full of hardship, and honestly we see a lot of it day in and day out living here. We see children so malnourished we are unsure if they are going to make it, and then watch them come to full health, and on the other end we see children who are unhealthy and lose their battle in this life. This week we witnessed two babies lose their battle. Josiah (6 weeks old) and Katiana (about 6 days old) both lost their fight. What I am about to say may sound cold or calloused but please bear with me and continue reading, the Lord always has a way of showing up. When I heard of Josiahs death my heart was heavy for the little boy and for Tina, the woman who was caring for him, but I didn’t cry or show emotion – it almost felt normal. This feeling made me quite angry to be honest, I didn’t want to become calloused to the injustice and pain that we see day in and day out in this place but at that moment I felt like that was happening. In the six weeks that I have been here I have helped care for a baby in the hospital who was considered septic, I have seen numerous parents come and try and drop off their children either because they honestly didn’t care about them any longer, or they cared about them so much they wanted to give them a better life, I have seen car accidents, I have witnessed numerous people lose their battle for life. Once you see these things day in and day out it’s almost as if you can’t allow yourself to process the events. However, a group we had in a few weeks ago made a statement that I was reminded of this week. In struggling with not being vulnerable with my feelings (which if you know me, you know isn’t like me) I was getting frustrated, but reminded that I have been praying for MONTHS for strength to endure whatever may come my way while in Haiti, and now that the Lord has given me the strength to deal I am frustrated because I want to feel – sorry Lord for not recognizing when you provide! Baby Josiah passed away on Sunday and they had the service on Sunday evening, Cameron (my brother) went to help shuttle people to the funeral, not expecting to stay, and then he did. He came back pretty quiet, not saying much besides “that’s the smallest casket I have ever seen”, I didn’t ever want to hear those words again. We didn’t talk much about it, everyone walked around heavy hearted the rest of the day and on Sunday we received the call that Katiana had passed away. Katiana was born at 1lb 11oz and we were caring for her here until she began having difficulties breathing and our breathing machine was not working for her, she was transferred to the local hospital where she lived for about two days. Katiana brought a lot of firsts to my life. I have never seen a living being as small as she was, she was fully formed and BEAUTIFUL, the Haitian people just have beautiful features, I can’t get enough of them. She was also the first infant funeral I had ever attended, and I could care less to ever attend one again, there were about 30 people there, our staff, Tina’s staff, kids, and the group she had in. Pastor Maxi preached mostly in English but all of the songs were sung in Kreyol. The entire service I was begging for the Lord to show up and remind me that He was there, asking that He would grab ahold of my heart and remind me of the reality of what I was witnessing. While we were singing I begged that I would just be able to understand something! Just about that time he started singing a song that I knew the tune to, it was It Is Well, they were singing in Kreyol but I knew exactly what they were singing. I didn’t ask the Lord for them to sing in English, or for me to understand Kreyol, but just to understand, and at that moment I understood “It is well with my soul….” Thank you Lord for showing up. At that moment I started to cry, but held it together the best I could since some of Tina’s kids were sitting next to me, I wanted to be strong for these young girls who just lost a sister. As we walked out I was holding the hand of one of the little girls who came and sat next to me and Tina’s brother came up to me and said this is Shirley, she doesn’t really go to anyone, you should feel special. Those few words had more meaning than he could even begin to understand, while praying that the Lord would show up, I also asked Him to remind me of the miracles we see every day and that I was here to serve the children of Haiti. This little girl knew I loved her even though we had never met….It was a beautiful moment. We walked next door to where Katiana was to be buried. In Haiti the ‘tombs’ are above ground and made of cement, when it is time to burry someone they take a pick and pick at the cement until they get a spot large enough for the casket, they then place the casket in the ‘tomb’ and carry water from the closest water source to mix with the cement to re-patch it. This family allowed us to purchase a burial spot for this baby girl. We watched as they re-cemented it and Shirley wanted to be held. I held her and the neighbor woman saw and brought me a chair to sit in with her. Shirley just laid her head on my shoulder as we sang songs in Kreyol and honored this babies life. After the service was finished we began walking back home, I left Shirley with Tinas brother-in-law, I told her she was beautiful and I loved her “Ou Belle! Mwen Renmen Ou”. Once we got back home, everything that had happened in the last two days hit me, I called my mom to chat about what I was feeling and the emotions I was holding in just began flooding out. The Lord reminded me that He will give me the strength when I need it, and allow me to process when it is time. I sobbed on the phone with my mom telling her about our last few days, she cried as well. Never in my life did I think this is what my life would entail…
On Monday a woman came to our house with her two youngest children, she has a total of seven. She explained how poor she was and she wanted her kids to go to school and be able to eat, as well as enjoy the basic necessities of life. Despite how heart-breaking it is to see children leave their families, it is beautiful to know the life they will now have the potential of having. Our purpose is to be the last-resort for families if they are unable to care for their children, we want to keep the families together, but if it is for the sake of the child’s life we will bring them in. These children had extreme signs of malnourishment so we knew it would be best to take them in. All of our new children have to be tested for TB as well as HIV. As soon as I saw these children my heart melted, as it often does here. I asked the mom if I could hold the little girl, she said yes. She told me she is a good baby and doesn’t cry ‘le pa kre’ (sp) I took her in while Diane gave her, her TB and HIV test, she did so well and just stared at me the entire time. I then went and got the young boy, with his blondish curly hair! He was gorgeous. I held him for his TB and HIV test as well. We then made the mom and boy a bowl of food, chicken, rice, and plantains. I have never seen someone so thankful to just have food to eat. The boy inhaled it and I made him another bowl…The mom just kept saying “Mesi, Mesi, -you are so helpful” Both of the children are HIV negative praise the Lord, and we will read their TB test today, pray for negative results. The baby girl may sleep in a pak-n-play in my room…It was over as soon as she looked in my eyes! After the two deaths we experienced, a baby girl and boy, the Lord was blessing this family with another baby girl and boy. Thank you Lord for little reminders that you ARE HERE, and YOU ARE faithful!
I know the beginning of this entry was pretty heavy but it is the reality of our lives here in Haiti. Please pray for all of our staff and Tina and her staff as we all endure this loss.
Now, for some more positive things.
On Sunday, Zac, my friend from Nashville who is working for Hands and Feet at our Grand Goave site, brought over a couple of our friends from Be Like Brit. They are staying at Mission of Hope with Zac and the Suttons. I have been trying to talk Ross and PJ into coming to Jacmel since I met them about 5 weeks ago ( I was their first friend according to them :o)) Well since they do not have a vehicle it has been difficult for them to plan a trip to head over the mountain. Zac decided he would come visit our kids here and bring Ross and PJ along (sorry Pat you weren’t here :-/) They arrived around noon on Sunday and we gave them the grand tour of our home here. They were so impressed with our buildings and how wonderful our kids were, how much English they spoke, and how they would just run and hug them! It was great to have them over and give them a little glimpse into our lives on the other side of the mountain. Jacmel and Grand Goave are very different so I wanted to make sure they got to see a little bit of the city. Zac drove us all to lunch at the Cyvadier Plage. Cameron, Stacie, and I all went with them. The guys were pleasantly surprised with the quality of the food and how many options we had here! I have been telling them all along and it just took them seeing to believe! PJ was very pleased with his club sandwich and Ross wished he had gotten the same thing; apparently we didn’t give him the heads up haha. After indulging in our meal that didn’t consist of rice and chicken we had ice cream and then drove down to the beach. Stacie and I sat in the bed of the truck with the guys and we just had the chance to talk about what life is like in Haiti. Even though our trip was cut short because of an emergency back here it was SO GREAT to see them. Growing up with three brothers I tend to feed off of sarcasm and Ross, PJ and Zac sure know how to dish out the sarcasm, it brought some good, much needed humor to all of our day! So thank you guys! Come hang out with us and the kids soon!
I still cannot believe we have been over six weeks. I guess I thought I would have been over it by now, but the longer I am here the longer I want to stay. Despite my smelly clothes and lack of sleep I love every moment of every day. I am so unclear as to where the Lord is guiding me so prayer for direction is so coveted. I know the need for staff with HAF is needed both stateside and in country but I also know not everyone can live in Haiti, so I feel as if I am being outright disobedient if I chose to not stay. I am so close to finishing school and that is something I have been working towards for the last seven years, however, I want to make sure I am following the Lords plan for my life not my own, or the “American Dream” for that matter. I know that statement may be controversial, but I don’t want my life to reflect the American Dream, I want it to reflect without a shadow of doubt sacrifice to the King who has saved me, to the One who even when I doubt, He still IS, the One who shows up in simple songs, the One who allows friendships to be built and fellowship to happen when you have no one else, to the One who has grown my brother and my relationship dramatically in the last six weeks, the one who brings life despite death, the One who I don’t deserve, the One who saved the 56 kids that I act as ‘mom’ to, I need to sacrifice my life to the one who IS!
Continuing the Journey,
Bek

In love with less...

Well, it has been at least a week since I last posted, there is so much to say I don’t even know where to begin, which is a common occurrence with these posts! I guess I can start with another epiphany that I had recently… Ken, Matt, Stacie, Cameron and I were hiking up the aqueduct behind our house. It is an absolute gorgeous view! While we were on our way up to the 2nd lookout point Stacie and I just stopped to look at the view; we looked out over palm trees, down green hills to the Caribbean Sea, it was breathtaking. I began wondering, as I often do, how a place SOOO BEAUTIFUL could be in so much pain. I still don’t have the answer to that question, if any of you have any insight I will gladly take it. We started talking about our lives here and what they consisted of, or rather, what they no longer consist of; no coffee shops, no TV, no hot showers, no vehicle to drive at your will, no popsicles, and the list can go on and on…In that moment I realized, as much as I miss all of those ‘things’ I could care less if had them again, I was madly in love with less! This is so against everything in our culture, we are taught the more we have the happier we are. For me, if I had to choose between the two I would rather not have those things but have 87 children who love me dearly in a country in one of the most beautiful parts of the world. Thank you Lord for causing me to fall in love with less…
A couple of weeks ago we had a young woman come to our gate to give us her baby to care for because she didn’t have the resources to care for him. She was younger, I wouldn’t say much older than 18, if that. You could tell by her face that she did not want to give this baby up but she knew she had no better option for him. She herself was an orphan with no family, living with friends, with no work and trying to care for both her and her 1 year old child. My heart ached as I watched her, her eyes welled up and she began crying when we asked her questions about the baby, and if she was able to take care of him would she keep him, she said yes, but she didn’t see a way that she would possibly be able to care for him. Well, in order for us to care for a child we must have the proper paperwork and she didn’t have any of it, she didn’t know where the father was and she didn’t have a birth certificate of her own. Diane decided that we would go check out this young girl’s home to see where she was living…it was heartbreaking, there were approximately 8 people living in this tiny cement home of a side road just outside of Cyvadier. We want children to stay with their families if they have them, and we will do everything in our power to keep them together rather than separating them. We gave her some rice, some formula, some milk and clean water…We have yet to hear back from her so my prayer is that both her and the baby are doing okay, and that if she still needs help she would be humble enough to come back and ask and know that we will do everything we can. Never even my life did I think I would be a daily part of these conversations, to witness a young woman in such despair to want to give up her child because we could care better for them… It will never stop breaking my heart! I can’t even imagine being in that position, to be so broken, and so vulnerable that the only way you can see hope is to give your child up, to sacrifice your relationship with them. It reminds me a lot of God… After looking in that young girls face, seeing her cry with the thought of giving up her child, I began to see the face of God as He gave up His son, to save us. The only way He knew that would fix the brokenness was to make a great sacrifice. This young girl only knew how to fix the broken pattern of her family was by giving up her son…ugh my heart aches.
On Sunday we took the kids to the beach, as we usually do, and we met this young boy, who I had also met the week before. He is 14 and his name is Roosvelt, he does not speak English well, but by some miracle I was given enough words in Kreyol to communicate with him. God never ceases to amaze me, he gives me words at the right moment, that I otherwise promise I don’t know! Roosvelt is such a sweet boy who is a FANTASTIC artist! He took a stick in began drawing in the sand, I was seriously in awe, I will try and post a picture later, he even signed him named “Artis’ Roosvelt”. He drew a man with a baseball cap on and pretty big muscles (I think he was looking at Cameron haha). But the thing that got me about this situation is he could be one of the next artists that we buy paintings from a couple of years from now. I have SO many paintings from here and I wonder if that is how many of the artists began. Tomorrow we are going to go back to the beach and bringing him pencils and a drawing pad, that way he can practice!
Emi went back to the village where we did the test on the boy who we thought had TB, the test was negative! Praise the Lord, but she did meet an older woman who did return a positive test, pray for her…
I have been traveling back and forth between here and Grand Goave to get updates on our kids there for their sponsors. I love that place. Grand Goave is much different than Jacmel, not in a city, much more rustic, but beautiful to say the least. I don’t like one place more than the other, I just love them both A LOT. Our kids there are amazing. By my second visit they already knew my name and would scream it as soon as I walk up to the gate! The girls love to play with my hair, the boys love to play with my camera! They are so excited to be moved into their new houses soon, yet, we still have a lot of work to do before that can happen! Pray that we will continue to make productive progress and get these kids to their new homes! I love those kids as much as I love the kids here in Jacmel. They came from a very rough background and just need intentional love. I am thankful for Andrew and Angie Sutton who will love these kids well! Pray for the kids that they will continue to grow and learn and open up to those who want to love them well. They have some trust issues, and rightfully so, especially the older ones. Pray for our 31 kids in Grand Goave..
Lately Stacie and I have been talking a lot about the Restaveks in Haiti…and since our conversations have begun we have met at least three young restavek girls. I don’t think it is a coincidence either. The Lord has honestly been stirring something in my heart for these kids who lack education simply so they can be a ‘slave’ to another family. Most restaveks are either abandoned or orphaned and just not lucky enough to be brought to a loving family such as ours, but rather are taken advantage of by extended family or strangers. My heart aches for these children especially these three little girls! Magda, Kettia & Santana are Restaveks in our town….the difficult part is, it is legal here, and not much that we can do about it. But Stacie and I have made it a point to walk each morning and call these girls by name and tell them that they are beautiful! Today we are going to get some dresses for them and make sure they know that they are well loved. Pray that we be given passions of how to serve these children…My eyes well up thinking of their smile despite their circumstance. Haitians are a resilient people.
Friday was a special day for me here in Haiti. Our church back home in California decided to the Kids Mission Project that Hands and Feet has produced, and incorporate it into their VBS. You can check out our new website for info on how to get the Mission Project FREE! It is a cool way to have kids raise money to build more homes for kids in Haiti. This is the first year our church has done this and at the end of the week we were able to skype with all of the kids! I had about 7 or 8 of our kids here on skype with hundreds of kids back in California. Despite the bad connection it was such a beautiful thing to see! To witness two of my worlds coming together for one common goal. These kids were sacrificing their money, their parents money haha, and much more to serve these kids that I have taken as my own in Haiti! They raised almost $1300! What a beautiful moment! This place that has been so dear to both me and Cameron has finally connected with our church back home and they were able to ‘meet’ some of our kids…God is so good, and it just reminded me how big He is compared to us…We may be far in distance but we all came together for one purpose! To look after orphans and widows in their distress…Thank you Sutter Creek!
Yesterday (Saturday) was quite an eventful day here in Haiti. We started our summer fun fun fun fun program! The kids started surfing, karate, gymnastics, and art lessons! It was so awesome watching them do all of these things. I am convinced our kids are talented at everything! Around 10 AM a mom who is a part of our feeding program came and dropped of her son (for the 7th time) because he was extremely ill. They lost their home in the quake (if they had a home in the first place) and are now living in a tent city that is infested with cholera and numerous other diseases! Baby Schneider was throwing up, had a diarrhea, a high fever and not breathing well! I took care of him while Diane shuttle kids back and forth to the beach and he seemed to be doing okay, just drinking some pedia-lyte to get rehydrated, and then after lunch he took a turn for the worst. He stopped vomiting constantly and you could just tell he did not feel great. Diane decided it would be best if we could get him to the hospital. We headed to the Cuban hospital with him where the made clear the importance of getting him fluids, but because he was so dehydrated they couldn’t find a vein. Diane and I had to help the doctors hold him and work with them to get the IV in place, after ‘finding’ a vein in his foot we watched the IV bag SLOWLY drip for about two hours and then realized it wasn’t even in his vein! All we had done was give him a swollen foot. They nurses came back and looked for more veins and eventually had to insert the IV into his neck. We had to hold him in a specific position for hours so the IV would drip properly. Praise the Lord he eventually fell asleep so he was not moving too much. I know that the Lord was with us, I have never liked hospitals or needles and here I was helping with IV drips, that strength did NOT come from me. His breathing was getting worse so they recommended we get a chest x-ray but they did not have a technician (so frustrating!) so we had to call around other hospitals to see if they had one. After finding a hospital that had an x-ray tech the doctors told us to get the x-ray, come back, and he would be admitted there but someone would have to stay with him. We were both willing to stay with him, but thought it was important that his mom be there. Diane called a local missionary friend who knows which tent his mom lives in and she went out to find her! She finally found her, and told her you need to come with me, your son is in critical condition. They met us at the other hospital where we had to bang on the door to wake up the x-ray tech to complete the x-ray (that is going in my “You know you’re in Haiti when…. Book). We finally got the x-ray and took him back to the Cuban hospital with his mom, after stopping and getting her food since she had not yet eaten that day… There were so many little things that could have been solved easily with the properly resources! One of the most frustrating things about this place, I just wanted this baby to start progressing and I was fearful that there was no hope for that. My heart aches for his mom- could you imagine having nothing and the only thing you know how to do when your child is sick is leave him with strangers! My heart aches for him- his mom has good intentions but she doesn’t have the competence to care for him well! Pray that his little body will begin healing; we are going to check on him today, and pray that his mom will find the resources she needs to care for him! Pray for my heart to be more gracious to her instead of frustrated. I love this child like he was my own and had a difficult time that his mom just dropped him and didn’t come back, but then saw her sitting on the hospital bed crying for him last night and was convicted of my frustration…..
My time in Haiti is going by too quickly and I hate even the thought of leaving. Pray that I will be able to embrace each moment, and embrace it well. Pray that I will work to my full potential and pray that God will restore His Spirit within me and guide me to what the next step of my life looks like. Right now I am living a dream and I don’t ever want it to end……
Continuing the Journey, Much Love,
Bek

Groups, Floods, and Plans

It has been a few days since I have posted anything. I am convinced Haiti is a time-warp, there is no sense of the hour or day for that matter and there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything that needs to be accomplished in addition to loving some wonderful kids in intentional ways. This week we had our first group arrive since Cameron and I have been here, it has been a beautiful thing to watch how the Lord is moving in the hearts of those who are here, and it has been quite the experience for me being able to be on this side of things. To be the one who is encouraging the group and sharing about Hands and Feet, telling kids stories, and showing them around town; I think I enjoy this side much more . We have a group of 11 in from California, a group that our usual team has had the opportunity to encourage throughout their journey. The leader of the group has been sponsoring one of our children since early 2009, this was her first time meeting him and it was a beautiful thing to see! He was a little shy at first but once he realized who she was he did not want to leave her side. This group is full of special people, as I assume most groups will be, but they have nothing but encouraging things to say about our staff here and Hands and Feet as a whole, obviously they are preaching to the choir, because we all love this place tremendously and our passion shines. However, being here on a day to day basis makes you forget why we are here sometimes, and if we really are making a difference in the lives of these children, well my Spirit was refreshed this week by having a conversation with one of the girls. Julie, is originally from Laos and became a Christian through missionaries at a young age, she shared her testimony with us, a very moving testimony to say the least, but she said each time she sees us interact with the kids she is brought back to that refugee camp and remembers clearly the face of the woman who shared Jesus with her. My hope is that these kids will one day head to the ends of the earth to share the love of Christ just as Julie is! I hope that we are reminded daily how intentional we are to be with them so in 10-20 years from now when they are serving orphans in another country they can be reminded of this place and how well they were loved! Another of the girls here is really being stirred to commit to serving in Haiti, I know all too well that feeling, that feeling of being terrified, overwhelmed, and questioning – “how in the world was I chosen to do this?!?” Pray for her, pray for guidance and direction so she can see clearly the path the Lord has laid down before her.
On the 6th of this month we had some serious rain come through PAP and nearly destroy our home there. We have had this house for a few months with hopes of making it another orphanage, but we have yet to receive any children, well God knew what He was doing, and it was a blessing that we did not have any kids in that house on that day. The rain tore down two of the exterior walls of the home and trash from all over the city flooded the yard. It brought in approximately four feet of mud into the lower level of the house (were the kids rooms were going to be!), flipped over the stove, freezer, washer, dryer, and generator. Praise the Lord that Michelle and intern for physically okay, just shaken up for the most part. Three of the neighbors were killed in the flood, I can only imagine how many more were killed or injured. I kept envisioning all of the tent camps in the Delmas area….Pray for them. This is only the beginning of Hurricane Season and we haven’t even actually had a hurricane yet. Pray that the people will be able find the strength they need to get through. The people of Haiti are built to overcome adversity, they have to be to live here!
Each and every day that I am here I fall more in love with the culture, the people, the staff and the kids! I have always known I loved Haiti but I didn’t think it was possibly to love it this much! A couple of days ago our nannies had an evening out, Calvary Chapel hosts a womens event every few months and our nannies go to it, with approximately 400 other Haitian women. While I was watching the younger girls while their nanny was out, Barbara the little girl my family sponsors called me mom...I nearly lost it. Am I really making that big of a difference in the lives of these children? Do they love me that much to honor me and call me mom?!? After she did that one of the other girls, Tamara (she was the first child to live here, who has stolen a huge piece of my heart) caught on and began calling me mom as well...Now everyday when she gets home from school she runs up to me screaming mom, mom, I love you! This is what life is about... Last night the older boys, about 10 of them got in a military style line and began marching around the yard chanting off different couples, “Emi love Matt, Stacie love Cameron, Bekah love Class C” it was HILARIOUS, I have never seen them do that before, all in unison and right on beat! After they were ‘fini’ planning our marriages they went and got some paint buckets and sticks and began playing music! Oh my word those children are talented! They have rhythm like no other!! They beat on the ‘drums’ and danced for at least an hour if not longer, I could have fallen asleep listening to them! Esaiie, one of our younger boys was their director and Gerlande one of our younger girls was leading the dancing. I am seriously amazed daily at how talented these children are! I tried to get some audio recording, I will see how it came out and possibly post later providing I have enough internet to do so!!!
I love being here, more than anything…I am just unsure what that means for my life. It has been almost a month since I arrived and it has flown by which makes me terribly sad, but it also feels like I have been here forever. Yes, I miss my family but that is really it. If I am honest with myself I didn’t think I would be able to make it through more than two weeks without being terribly homesick, that is not the case. This place feels like home. Pray without ceasing for me please. My flight goes back to the states on August 2nd and I am not prepared for that, I don’t see how I could possibly go back to Nashville and get back to a ‘time-restrained’ life. I need guidance and direction, I know I still have about two months left, but I don’t feel like its long enough. Pray that the Lord will open doors where they need to be opened and close doors that need to be closed. I have some awesome opportunities back in Nashville with Hands and Feet and I want to serve wherever I am most needed, whether that is here or there… I was talking with my mom a couple of days ago and was sharing that the Lord has just been revealing to me why I am not married with kids of my own yet. He wants me to pour every ounce of love that I have into this family here. I am a passionate person and love people, but when I love them, I want to love them intentionally and sincerely and I don’t think I am at a point in my life where I could balance the two, loving a spouse well and loving orphans well, I think the Lord is still dramatically preparing my heart for that moment. However, I do know at this point in my life I am called to love and serve in this way and he has given me the passion and desire to do so!!! So please, continue to pray for guidance for what my next step should be!
Emi is going back to Lucksons village today to check the TB test that she did on the young boy a few days ago. Pray for him, we are almost certain he has TB but the Lord can do miracles! We see them every day! She will be going this afternoon so I should know shortly….

On another note, our new website is up and running and we still have a lot of kids who need sponsors, would you consider sponsoring one of our children to help make their dreams come true? Visit www.handsandfeetproject.org and click child sponsorship. If you have any questions about it send me an email at rebekahpeoples@aol.com and I will answer to the best of my ability!!

Again thank you for taking this journey with me, your prayers are felt every day.
Much Love,
Bek