Okay, so I know my blog is titled Heartbeat For Haiti, however, I am currently in Trinidad. First of all I need to apologize to all of you who actually take the time out of your day to follow my blog. I apologize that I have not written since July 5th. The last month of my stay in Haiti was very emotional as I began to prepare to leave, and upon my return I jumped right back into the American 'hustle & bustle' as we like to call it, and have not yet really allowed myself to process my time in Haiti. I am not quite sure my reasoning for this, other than the fact that I did not even know how to begin to process what had happened in the almost three months that I lived at the Hands and Feet Project. I am still not sure I have processed so please forgive me, this entry may be very scatter brained, as most of my entries are. On Saturday I arrived in Trinidad, an island in the southern Caribbean for those of you not up on your geography :) the Northern tip of Trinidad is actually only 6 miles off of the coast of Venezuela, I hope that gives you a better picture of where I currently am... Anyway, I arrived here on Saturday having no idea what to expect, I guess I was expecting somewhere between Jamaica and Haiti, which would be the obvious expectation right? Since they are the only two Caribbean islands I have visited. Regardless, you think I would have learned by now, with as many trips as I have taken out of the country since July 2007, to not have expectations, they are never met. Yet, being human, and particularly a human who likes to be in control, I have not yet found a way to get by without having expectations. We arrived in Port of Spain late on Saturday evening, and as we drove through the city heading towards our destination I had a bit of culture shock (I thought I had gotten over the culture shock thing) but not because the poverty was so intense, or everywhere you looked you saw devastation, but rather, that this country was so developed. I had no idea that Trinidad was such a developed country I felt as if I was driving around southern Florida. It was gorgeous, it did not take much convincing for me to make that statement I am already certain the Caribbean islands are the most beautiful place on earth...anyway that is for another time. I am in Trinidad taking a course for my Social Justice Major, when I had the option to either go to Trinidad or spend the spring in a classroom; the obvious decision was to travel to Trinidad for a week. I really did not understand how our time in Trinidad would fulfill a course, or really what we would be doing during the week. We arrived on Saturday evening as I said earlier, and woke up early on Sunday morning to attend the Church of God General Assembly in a different city then we are staying in. It was a long service, but full of life, I truly enjoyed the worship and the message, and the fellowship after, not to mention the Roty, an Indian dish that was quite the treat for my belly. Considering Sunday was our first full day and it is considered 'a day of rest' I knew that I still did not have a good insight as to what this week would entail. On Monday morning we woke up and began clearing the yard of WITC (the college we are staying at). I have done many service projects in a handful of countries, but this project was different. We were out clearing the yard, painting the walls, and tidying the place up alongside students here. Students who are from the West Indies, not necessarily Trinidad, but from the Caribbean Islands. It made that morning extremely special. To work alongside individuals who lived here created a certain bond between us. We made picking up grass fun! Cleveland, one of the students here from Guyana was teaching me to play rugby as we picked up the grass...it may have taken a bit longer than it should have, but it was enjoyable! I loved watching the students participate in what we were doing, they do not need us to come in here and do work for them, we were here to serve alongside them, that is how ministry should be! After completing our work project for the morning our group traveled to downtown Port of Spain and took a look at some of the history, it has been fascinating to learn more about this country that I knew next to nothing about. The architecture of the majority of the buildings here is quite mesmerizing if I am honest. I am certain I have taken more pictures of buildings and trees than I have of people. On Tuesday we traveled to San Juan to walk around and check out the open air markets. We split up into smaller groups and went on our own little adventure…Is it abnormal for me to say that when walking around the streets I feel like I am at home? Or that I don’t feel out of place? Obviously I stand out, but I don’t feel as though I do, I feel as if I am right where I belong. I do not know if that has to do with living in Haiti for the last three months, or the fact that the Lord has clearly called me to serve in this area of the world, that has been solidified even more so this week. Recently I was asked what I would like to do when I get out of school, I was not quite sure how to answer that question, if you would have asked me during the summer I would have said without a doubt that I wanted to live in Haiti full-time, but coming back to the states and beginning my work with HAF I fell in love with the stateside aspect of things that are necessary for our children’s villages to survive. Feeling a part of the greater picture has been wonderful, maybe stressful at times, but wonderful. All of that to say I was questioning what the Lord was calling me to do, should I stay in the states and be an advocate there, or should I move to Haiti and serve alongside individuals there? I still do not have a clear answer and I feel as though the Lord is telling me neither are a bad option, yet, being in Trinidad I am reminded of HOW MUCH I love this culture, I love the warm weather, I love the friendliness of the majority you come in contact with, I love the sense of “No problem mon’”, “It’s no problem”, or “Pa gen problem”. This sense, that regardless of the circumstances you may face it is never too big to bring you down, obviously sometimes life and it’s circumstances can dominate, however, there is a deep reliance on the Lord and concentration on the passage “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I love it! I am a bit overwhelmed as I actually attempt to put words to what I am feeling, but I believe without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord will continue to reveal his plan to me, as He has thus far. I am reminded of how I got to Jamaica and Haiti in the first place and must admit it was of no doing of my own…That is for another blog post, but all I can say is the Lord knows how to get my attention. On Sunday as I mentioned earlier we had the opportunity to fellowship with the congregation and while we were there I noticed myself retracting from conversation, if you know me, you know that is not what I typically do. I was overwhelmed with fear that I would allow myself to grow attach the people here. I did not want to create relationships and then leave in a week, being certain that I may never see these people again. I did not want to create more relationships with the ‘Omars”,”Kirks”,”Amables”, “Yovana’s”, and “Johnny’s” to never see them again! (Individuals that played a crucial role in my life in Jamaica, Mexico, and Panama). It is to heartbreaking when I return home knowing that I will have little communication with them. As Sunday continued and I found myself ‘reclusing’ I knew that was not what the Lord wanted for me out of this trip, yes, I may not see the individuals that I am being immersed with again, but I am called to be here now. Who knows what sort of influence they could speak into my life… and I am certain that I would remain the feeling of being deeply connected as years go on, just as I have with my family in Jamaica and Panama. As painful as it may be to not be able to call these individuals and say ‘hey, let’s get coffee’ it would be even more painful if I walked away from this trip with no new relationships. Therefore, in the last couple of days I have been very intentional in getting to know our fellow students and it has been wonderful, my heart is already beginning to ache thinking of leaving on Saturday and the relationships I will leave behind, but I know my heart would ache more if I kept to myself… I am certain I could type probably twice as much as I already have, but I want to save some mystery for the rest of the week and not overwhelm you with 5,000 words at once (I have a habit of doing that). Be praying that the Lord will continue to reveal Himself to me, pray that He will continue to guide my thoughts and actions, and pray that He will make it clear, like neon lights in the night sky clear, if I am supposed to remain in the states after graduating, or if I am supposed to move to Haiti, or wherever He may call me, and pray I will be open and submissive to what He says…
Pursuing His call….
Bek
