Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Beautifully Heartbreaking

I never could have imagined the things that I would have seen while here in Haiti. The last two weeks have been the essence of an emotional rollercoaster. I witnessed two infants lose their life and the very next day I witnessed a mother give up her children to better their life. This mother came with two children, one her own, and one her daughters. She explained that she had seven other children and could not afford to take care of them and wanted the youngest to at least be cared for. We gave them their TB tests and HIV test and asked her to come back in two days so we could read the tests. Both tests came back negative on both children and it was time for the mother to release them us. You see, here we see ourselves as the absolute last resort for families. We want families to stay together, we don’t want to separate children and their parents, or from their siblings, but in this case it was very evident that these children were unable to be cared for by their mother. I held the boy, and a fellow staff member held the little girl. The moms hugged the children and went about continuing paperwork. We took the kids over to give them a good bath, treat them for scabies, find them new outfits, and give them something to eat. The little boy is about two and a half and the girl is five months old. As I sat there bathing him, I began to understand the reality of what had just happened, this child had left his family, to join our family, because his mom was so selfless that she just wanted them cared for! It wasn’t until a group member made the comment that, the act of giving up your children is really one of the most selfless things that could be done. She and I had many conversations about this because at moments like that it is difficult to not question parents when they show no emotion when giving up their child! Yet, at the same time, I asked myself if I had a child of my own, would I be willing to give them up if I knew it would benefit them, and my answer was probably not, I would selfishly hold onto my child despite how it would affect them. What a new perspective, what a different way to process what had just happened. The boy was attached to me for a long period of time. I brought him up to mine and Stacie’s room to nap, since he seemed tired after eating. However, as soon as we got up here, this quiet little boy who didn’t speak more than two words was a giggling machine! He would talk and lay down and sing! But as soon as we would walk outside he would become quiet again. As much as I wanted him to sleep in my room I knew it was important for him to interact with the other children so he could be comfortable with his new family as soon as possible. I let the older girls start taking care of him, and with much hesitance he left my side, but within the hour he was playing and eating meals with all of the kids! It was the most beautifully, heartbreaking thing I had ever been a part of. To see a new season of a child’s life begin, but to welcome him with open arms to be loved and give them opportunities which they otherwise may not have had. The younger mom also has another child which will probably begin living here by the end of the week. Pray for this family, despite their lack of emotion, their ‘mom-heart’ as DeAnn put it, is probably breaking. Pray these children transition well, which it appears as they are. Pray that we love them to the best of our ability and that they experience the love of Christ by simply being here.

This week the kids got their report cards and we had a special day for those who passed! If they passed with a certain percentage they were able to go to the beach and the next highest percentage was allowed to go to the beach and then we took them to Pizza! What a fun night we had! Kettia, one of the Restavek girls was even allowed to go with us! She attends the public school and told us that she passed so we decided to treat her as well! After the beach, Cameron, Stacie & I came home and got ready to take the next group to Pizza and ice cream. The kids were so excited to go out to eat, and boy can those kids eat. I am pretty certain they each ate four whole pieces of pizza, but made sure to save some for their brothers and sisters back home! We told them how proud of them we were, and to see the look in their eyes once they understood that was priceless. Again, it was a beautifully heartbreaking moment. Something so simple as good grades were celebrated and I was reminded of how encouraging it was growing up to have my mom and dad say simple words such as ‘good job’ or ‘we’re proud of you’ and these kids didn’t have that, but they do have us! They have an entire staff who loves them like their own children and my prayer is that they know we are proud of them and encourage them to continue to do well! Once we got home Stacie, Cameron, Georgina, Valencia and I walked Kettia home and on our way back we ran into Santana, another of the restavek girls. She was walking to the local well with her water jugs, in her same tattered clothes that she wears EVERYDAY. Stacie and I have been carrying around a dress to give her for almost two weeks now and we finally had the opportunity to give it to her. We didn’t want her to get in trouble for not carrying her water quick enough so we showed her the dress and told her we would wait until she took the water home and then give it to her. Her ‘owner’ then came over and we all started conversing, we had Georgina ask if Santana could come and play this week, and she actually said yes! Our hopes weren’t high, was she saying this just to ‘appease the Americans’ so we didn’t judge the reality of the situation? Or was she really going to allow this girl to come play? If so, at what cost? We don’t know the depths of the situation, we just know that she fits the exact criteria of a restavek, usually a young girl between the ages of 5 and 17, she doesn’t attend school, she carries water all day, and does many other chores…Some are beaten and abused, not all but most. Was she one that was beaten? If so, you could never tell because she walks around with the LARGEST smile on her face ALL of the time. All we could do now was wait and see if she was going to come on Monday (today). When we got back to the house my heart was heavy, not only because of the reality of the situation but because of how our girls responded to it. Georgina said “Bekah, all Santana does every day is clean clothes, carry water, wash dishes, she doesn’t even go to school.” Valencia said – “they are probably mean to her, her clothes are dirty, she doesn’t have nice ones, I think they will sell the pretty dress we gave her.” Two of our girls were recognizing an injustice that is happening right next door, they wanted to help her! They said “she needs to come to church! If she isn’t working in the morning we will invite her to church with us! She doesn’t know she is pretty, we need to tell her she is pretty. She doesn’t eat a lot, every morning we want to give her food.” Valencia said, “if she comes on Monday I am not letting her go home, I am not letting her go home on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, NEVER.” These girls were broken for their sister…..it was beautifully heartbreaking. We continued to talk about it through the evening and when Stacie came to tuck the girls in they all wanted to pray for Santana, and during their prayer (which I regretfully missed) they prayed that she would know Jesus, that she would know she is beautiful, that she could live here, and they prayed all of this behind tears. Seven girls ages 8-12 prayed for this girl behind tears! Well, today is Monday. I was doing some laundry and after lunch I walked outside and there she was, Santana was standing on our porch! In her dress! I nearly lost it. I invited her in, and gave her some lunch, I asked her if she knew she was beautiful. She ate, with a thankful heart, saying Mesi, Mesi over and over… I had one of the other girls come in and ask her if she wanted to play and she said yes. After finishing eating she came upstairs and played with the girls, and now they are on a hike…God is so good, I know she has to go home to an awful situation but the last few days have been beautifully heartbreaking. Santana stayed the night after going on the hike! It was like she was in her own palace, she had a bed to sleep on, food to eat, people to hug her and tell her she was beautiful! Georgina asked her about her life and if she would be in trouble. She told Georgina that she did all of the chores except for cook, she slept on the floor at night, and only ate one meal a day, usually dinner, she would work from sun up to sun down and do whatever was asked of her. She said she has parents who live in the mountain, and when they brought her to visit her ‘cousin’ they were unable to pick her up again. She said her parents were threatened that she would be beaten if they came back to pick her up… Well today is the 4th of July – Independence Day in America, today was also an Independence Day for Santana, even if for only one day she felt loved and cared for, she brushed her teeth and used a toilet for the first time. She had someone tuck her into bed, today was an independence day for this beautiful girl. Now, it is Tuesday and as I walked downstairs Santana was on her way upstairs to get her toothbrush and nail polish that we gave her, we told her she could stay if she asked, she seemed timid so we told her we would walk her home and on our way out her ‘owner’ was waiting for her, she said she didn’t want to go, but we told her she could come back anytime and made sure the woman heard that as well. Pray that the Lords will, will be done in her life, that she will find and accept the love of Christ simply through our interactions, and if it is possible for her to live here, I ask that, that door may open up.

On Saturday when we took the kids to the beach we connected with Roosvelt, one of the street kids who is a natural ‘artis’. Last time we saw him we told him we would bring him back some pencils and paper and crayons, and on Saturday we did just that! He was so ecstatic; he had the biggest smile on his face and said he was going to make Stacie and I something. I cannot wait to see what he drew up, I am so thankful we were able to bless this boy in what we saw was such a small way! My prayer is he pursues his passion and that he will make his living doing art! He is 14 years old and I see myself bringing a group down 10 years from now buying his art for our souvenirs! Ahh the little things! God is so good!

Sunday was my 25th birthday – a quarter of a century old – ah! Never in my life did I think I would be spending my 25th birthday in Haiti! It was a beautiful day of exploring and lots of hugs from lots of children! I woke up and was hugged and told happy birthday by all of our older girls, and when I walked out of my house the boys started screaming from across the yard, “Bekah it’s your birthday! We love you!” I wouldn’t have it any other way! Stacie and I then made muffins and went up to the Pierces where they treated me with Kauai coffee! Mmm thank you Pierces :o) Cameron said he wanted to take me to dinner so we decided to go explore a little bit. Cameron, Stacie, Kyle & I headed south to Merigot to see the beach and what else was in that direction. We drove pretty far and saw some of the most beautiful sites I had ever seen! It is so hard to believe that I am in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere especially when driving in the back of the truck along the coast! We brought Kyle back to the house and went out once more, and this time we decided to go and visit a family that we have sort of adopted to take care of, to help keep them together! I had not yet been to their village so Cameron took Stacie and I up there. This family was so excited to see us! They are so sweet and so thankful for every little thing. The father went and found all of his children and invited us in to his home. Cameron bought him a new shovel last week and he couldn’t stop talking about it! It was very difficult to communicate with him since he only speaks Kreyol and we all know very little Kreyol. But I did understand one thing, he said “I don’t know what you are saying, and you only know a little of what I am saying, but we are friends and it is good!” For me, that was a ‘kingdom’ experience. We were loving this man and his family, he was so grateful, we didn’t speak the same language but we were communicating clearly! Stacie told them it was my birthday and they all said Happy Birthday to me in English! After we finished visiting we continued to explore the coast a little bit, we found a new hotel called ‘the enchanted hill’ in English and decided to have dinner there. It was a beautiful place, and again I was questioning that I was in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere…This place is too beautiful to have that classification. All of that to say I had the best 25th birthday EVER (good thing I only get one, because I don’t think it could be topped haha).

Life is wonderful here – despite being beautifully heartbreaking, - daily, it is wonderful. God constantly shows up, despite me feeling far from the Lord, he reminds me in little ways that He is here…I am reminded of a quote my sister posted the other day : ‎"God’s silences can be powerful times for Him to communicate with you."-Blackaby Even though I may not hear Him today I will see Him in one form or another if I sit back and think about the reality of each situation I face. Pray that I recognize and acknowledge who God is in EVERY moment! Pray for continued guidance for my life and what my involvement in Haiti is supposed to look like.



Continuing the journey….
-Bek