First world problems…Straws, Trees, Cars, and Toilets

I am sure some of you have heard the phrase “First world problems”. Problems that we face here in the United States that appear ridiculous once put into perspective (especially to someone who has been immersed in a third world culture), things that are not important in the bigger picture. Maybe you have even read the popular blog and laughed at the ridiculous posts that are made, things like:

“This video I'm trying to watch online will not stop buffering.”

“The Xtra large pizza box would not fit into the fridge so I had to throw the leftovers away”

My most recent, personal first world problem (which inspired this blog) was “My straw for my iced coffee has a hole in it, now I cant drink it because it feels weird on my teeth” Really Rebekah? Anyway…

In the last few weeks my life has been filled with ‘problems’ that have caused me to really sit back and reflect on what is important in life. Let me preface this with saying, I did not react as I should have in quite a few of these circumstances, but I recognized it, so now it's a matter of changing my thought process or not, oh how humbling that is to say, or rather write, out loud. By stating that I am giving you permission to hold me accountable…

Lets begin with the tree…oh the tree. About three weeks ago I was pretty soundly sleeping when my roommate knocked on my door at about midnight saying, “Rebekah, I don't know how to tell you this, but there’s a tree on your car.” Ummmm excuse me? What do you mean there’s a tree on my car? “There is a tree on you car, you should probably come look.” I jump out of bed and walk to the backdoor only to find a 40 FOOT TREE lying on the top of my car, that was now smashed like a pancake… Wow. In that moment all I could do was laugh, and potentially use some colorful language, it was unreal, there was a tree lying on my car, how does that even happen? 4 cars in the backyard and it did not touch anything but mine, once I looked at the base it was evident that the tree should have fell on our house, not my car, the second location should have been the car next to mine, not my car. After laughing quite a bit the reality of having to get a new car settled in, I hate car shopping, I hate feeling like I am being taken advantage of, not to mention the time it takes…I mean, I have work to get done, I am in the final weeks of classes, meaning-final presentations, final exams, and all of the stress that brings. It took everything within me to not scream “why me, why now” wow.. The day before the tree incident was a Sunday, that Sunday Jamie preached on Abraham and Isaac, he talked about the provision that God provided so that Abraham would not have to sacrifice the son that he had waited so long for, moments before he was prepared to take the life of his son God provided a ram in the bushes, something that would be sacrificed in his place… Provision, the Lord provides. I was reminded of this and began to look for the provision in this, what seemed like most inconvenient frustrating thing, that I had experienced in a long time. The tree could have fallen on our house, and if it did I’m not certain my roommates would have lived, the tree could have fallen on my roommates car who did not have the means to replace, it or GAP insurance (insert gap insurance plug here, since this is the 2^nd time its saved my butt) Not only that but when I purchased my Fusion I spent more on a car than I should have. I graduate in December and student loans will kick in, maybe this was the Lord giving me an out for making an irrational decision a few months back, just because I needed a car (I seem to find myself needing a car a lot). So much provision, and here I was complaining because my 2010 FULLY LOADED PERSONAL VEHICLE was smashed. Ya it’s frustrating, but in the bigger picture was it really important? Did it really matter as much as I made it feel like it mattered? I have a car….I have a house, GET OVER IT being inconvenient. The days that followed I laughed, I cried, I got really overwhelmed and was quickly put on my face..

“Rebekah, do you believe I am your provider? Haven’t I always taken care of you? Is having a car REALLY that big of a deal? Where do you find your security?”

I finally get passed the car situation, I was able to purchase another newer vehicle and save myself a TON of money..Provision. I thought I had moved on and could continue with everything that needed to get done, work, school, traveling…. Within two days I walked downstairs to get ready for bed and as I got down into the basement I stepped in a good couple of inches of water.. Seriously? Our shower had been acting up, and our toilet was making funny noises, I contacted the landlord over a week ago, they came by and said they could not find anything wrong with the plumbing…Okay, they know what they are talking about right? Apparently not, here I was with wet feet stepping in who knows what (sick). I was exhausted, I had to get up early for exams the next day and this was completely inconvenient.  One of my dear roommates lives in the basement and she wasn't home, I didn't want her stuff to get ruined so I found every towel we had, started soaking up the water and moving her belongings off of the floor…There are three bathrooms in our house, why mine? Not that I wanted it to happen to someone else, but why mine? I mean the tree did single me out, so now the plumbing also? Even writing this I feel ridiculous. Something so minuscule, yes frustrating, but what does it matter?! As I was soaking up the water that had come out of our bathroom to the basement floor I was reminded of a moment last summer…

Saintana, many of you may remember her as the Restavek (child slave) who lived next door to us in Jacmel. Stacie and I and the girls we lived with built a relationship with this precious girl, and toward the end of the summer she began to come over and play, the first day she came over she told us that she needed to go to the bathroom, the girls were cleaning theirs so Stacie told her that she could use ours, she walked into the bathroom and Stacie went to leave but Saintana had this look of confusion on her face, “what is that” was her expression. Stacie said, go ahead its okay Saintana, and she says “la” meaning “there” as she points at the toilet, and Stacie said yes, Saintana that's where you go to the bathroom… This was the first time Saintana had ever seen a functioning toilet in her eight years of life. As I am soaking up the water on the floor and remembering Saintana I was once again put FLAT on my face…

Rebekah, you have a toilet, you have clean water that runs through your toilet, what in the world are you complaining about? Saintana used to have to carry water back and forth to put in their hole in the ground to use the restroom!! Can you trust me in the little things? Have you forgotten what I have taught you over the last four years? What is important ,you being comfortable, or you appreciating what I have blessed you with?

Our plumbing was fixed within twenty-four hours..Oh how I wish I could see the bigger picture in the times that I am frustrated to the point of screaming over, literally, stupid things.

I don't write this to make any of you feel bad if you have ever gotten frustrated over events that are rightfully frustrating and inconvenient. I write this to just ask that we all take a second to put things into perspective. I believe it is absolutely necessary for us to be flat on our face and ask ourselves, “what is really important” when we find ourselves bogged down with first world problems. I could not ask for a better life at this moment. I have a family that I love as my best friends, parents who are supportive, and encouraging, brothers who would do anything to protect me, sister in laws who are always making sure I am living out my God given potential, and nieces and nephews whom I love more than words. I have a pretty amazing boyfriend, definitely a God ordained meeting, someone who has allowed me to be vulnerable again, and appreciates me for who the Lord has created me to be. I have some of the best girlfriends a girl could ever want, girls who are encouraging and hold me to a higher standard. I work with some of the most humble, God-fearing, Spirit led people that I have ever met, a group of people who have taken Christ’s call to care for the orphan seriously, people who have stepped out in faith and used their resources, whether it is time, money or talents, they have given up their own agendas to love on these kids that mean the world to me. I have 100 kids in Haiti that I know personally, kids that know me by name and that the Lord has allowed me to love with a love that is unexplainable. Not to mention, I have a house, a car, a toilet, clean water, an education, I am attending school, I have more clothes than I could wear in a month, a place where I can meet for church and not be persecuted. I could go on forever with what I am blessed with… sometimes it just takes a tree falling on your car or a bathroom flooding to learn to appreciate the little things. This may sound absurd to many of you, and I am okay with that. I was convicted and humbled numerous times in the last few weeks and could not help but share…

My challenge to you is to count your blessings, analyze what is really important, and I suggest you do it before a tree falls on your car…

Continuing the journey,

Bek

Remembering my first Love and His story...

Lately everyone has been talking a lot about stories and the roles they play in our life. This shouldn't surprise me since my church is focused on stories. All of that to say, I have been reflecting a lot on my story, why I am who I am, why I do what I do, and how I got to where I am today. As days go by I learn more and more about myself, the things I want, the things I need, the things I THINK I want, the things I THINK I need, what I value as important or unimportant, who I value as important or unimportant and how each of these thoughts or ideas, whether conscious or subconscious, affect the decisions I make each and every day, they affect the conversations I have and how I have them. I want to give you a little history, but nothing too crazy since I know you have better things to do then sit at your computer and read about my story and why I feel like getting in my head space is important, maybe it’s not, maybe this is just a good outlet for me, but regardless.

Why I am who I am: I have the MOST amazing family a girl could ask for. Brothers who love well, sister-in-laws who are much more than “in-laws”, nieces and nephews that are amazing, and parents who brought us all, and keep us all together. My parents raised us to understand His story, and displayed true love with every interaction. Yes, I know nobody is perfect, no family is perfect, but our imperfections are beautiful to me. I credit a lot of who I am to my family and their portrayal of what True Love is.

Why I do what I do: If you know me, you know I am a passionate person; I have no shame in telling you what I care about. In 2007 I had an experience that would forever change my life, and ignite a passion in me that I could not even begin to comprehend, a passion that would take me outside of my comfort zone and into five different countries, one of which I knew I had to return to (if you can’t guess that country just check my blog address J ). That year I had a conversation with a twelve year old girl in Jamaica who told me she was afraid of ‘gunshot’ but because we came that day and told her about Jesus she was no longer going to be afraid and the devil was not going to win (obviously I am summarizing tremendously, but if you want to know more I will elaborate later). In that moment I knew without a doubt in my mind that I was to use my passion to speak up for those who didn’t have a voice, the orphan, the poor, the powerless. The Lord was empowering me to use my passionate personality to glorify Him; instead of myself and what I THOUGHT was important. Why me? I’m not worthy; my story is too full of baggage. How could He POSSIBLY use me?

How I got where I am today: After this passion to speak for the orphan, the poor, the powerless was ignited in me the Lord began opening door after door after door. He started opening doors to this country I knew little to nothing about, He spoke to me in clear ways, that I was to go to Haiti, and I was supposed to take people with me. With a lot of doubt, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, and a bazillion other emotions, I slowly, by no strength of my own, began walking through these doors that were opened, one by one next thing I knew I was leading a group of individuals to the Hands and Feet Project in Haiti. I asked myself again, why me? How could He POSSIBLY use me? It was then that I was reminded of His story… This God that I served, the One who ignited this passion in me, came to this earth, took on human flesh so that He could feel temptation, feel anxiety, feel doubt, and fear but NOT give in to it all. He did all of that, and was then crucified because He KNEW that I would give in, that I couldn’t resist the temptations of this world. His story told me that I was worth it…His story told me that He could use me because He created me, His story told me to go, and so I did. Did it get rid of the fear, anxiety, doubts, etc...? No, but it didn’t matter, because I had Him to lean on. After our first trip I knew that Hands and Feet was an organization I wanted to be a part of, I wanted to share in their story of sharing His story. We committed to returning once a year as long as we could, but after year two I wanted more. I wanted to know the “ins and outs” how you go about caring for orphans, what sort of work happens on ‘this side’ of things. That’s when the doors began opening for me to be a part of this story here (again, obviously summarizing, but if you want to hear more, I’d be happy to share). In 2010 I left home in Cali and made the treck across the United States to move to Nashville, to finish school and be a part of the Hands and Feet story here. I feel like this is important to share because even though days may be hard being away from my family, and beating myself up for not being finished with school already, the Lord brought me here and has BLESSED me in tremendous ways. I am honestly living a little bit of a dream, and if I am honest that ugly thing called fear creeps back in and I am afraid I am going to wake up from this dream.

Needs and Wants: As thankful as I am for everything that has happened in my life over the last few years, there is still a ‘void’ that has yet to be filled. Since I was a little girl I had planned on being married when I was twenty-two, my mom married at twenty-two, my two older brothers married at twenty-two, it just made sense…Twenty-two is when you were supposed to get married.. Well apparently not for me. Twenty-Two has come and gone, and twenty-three, and twenty-four, working on twenty-five; and that ‘want’ has not yet been given to me. As I sit here and reflect on what I want I am convicted more so about what the Lord wants for me. I am brought back to a place in 2006 when I hit my ‘rock-bottom’ and I heard an audible voice tell me “Rebekah, until you can depend on Me, and Me alone, I am not giving you anybody”; I was broken and seeking fulfillment in earthly relationships, seeking fulfillment based on my timeline and He told me He had something more for me. I did great for a long period of time, seeking Him first, asking Him to continue to reveal Himself to me, and then it became routine…I slowly found myself no longer seeking Him with all of my heart and soul, but just living day to day, and that void returned. I desire a beautiful Christ-centered relationship, but today I am reminded that He desires that of me. Is it wrong to desire to be married? No, but when that desire is stronger than your desire for the Lord it, like anything else becomes an idol. These ‘things’ may not even be ‘bad things’ that you long for, or give all of your attention to, but when it exceeds your desire to love Him, serve Him, and be intentional in your relationship with Him it becomes unhealthy.. As I began writing this blog post yesterday a friend of mine (who I haven’t talked to in almost a year mind you) called me and shared a scripture that he had been convicted of and I feel like it is so fitting:

“I see what you have done, your hard work, your refusal to quit. I know you cannot stomach evil, that you weed out apostolic pretenders. I know your persistence, your courage in my cause, that you never wear out. BUT you walked away from your first love-why? What’s going on with you anyway?” – Revelation 2:2-4 (The Message)

I have desires, I have wants, I have passions, but I don’t EVER want to forget my first love, the One who made ALL stories possible.

I definitely did not write/process everything I wanted to, soooo “to be continued”

Continuing the journey,

Bek