Is this my life?

At 24, almost 25 years old I never in my wildest dreams thought my life would be what it has turned out to be, I can’t even comprehend what the future holds, since I never saw any of this coming. You see, since I was young I had planned on marrying at 22 having kids by 25 and being a teacher. Hahaha,Whats that saying? We plan, God laughs. For some reason since my two older brothers had married when they were 22 and my mom was 22 I thought that was what my life should look like. I love kids so very much and for sure thought I would have some of my own by now. However, the Lords plan was different. Instead of being married and having children of my own, the Lord has given me 87 kids to care for! Not to say that I still don’t have the desire to be married and have children of my own, but for now this is how the Lord is filling this desire in my heart. He is teaching me patience, what true love, and what true religion look like. If life would have gone as I had hoped or dreamed I wouldn’t have so many of the experiences that I have today. I wouldn’t be living in Haiti, spending time with some of the most beautiful orphans, in the most gorgeous place I have ever been. I know that I made a conscious decision to move to Haiti, to work at an orphanage, yet, sometimes I forget the reality of each of these children’s’ situation. These kids whom I love as my own or as siblings are true orphans. They have lost their mother, father or both…I have to remind myself of this harsh reality often.

Today I was reminded of this reality when working with one of our younger boys, he was not listening very well and acting out in various ways so he was unable to participate in what the other kids were doing, we have to remember that kids, wherever they are, are kids . After a long process of him being upset that he couldn’t be with the other kids my brother and I decided to sit down with him and just try and talk to him. I felt the urge to just tell him he is loved, even if he is in ‘trouble’ we still love him. We held him while he cried, and said “I love you” or “Mwen Renmen Ou” repeatedly as we rocked back and forth. At that moment I began thinking of where he came from, this boy had lost his parents in the earthquake…I couldn’t imagine! I couldn’t imagine losing my parents period! To live through that tragic event and come out of it without parents is horrifying to me. There is a reason this boy was saved, maybe one day he is going to grow up and be a pastor, or a strong father… Whatever it is, he needs to know he is well loved now. Lord give me the strength to love without bounds….

As difficult as moments like that are, the reality is this is the life the Lord has put before me and I need to embrace them. I need to learn from them, I need to grow from them.
When I am not busy getting stuff together for the Family Room (our new sponsorship program, keep posted for more info ) I am spending time with our kids. Yesterday, Stacie and I took five of the older girls on a hike; we walked up the aqueduct behind our house towards the top of the mountain. This was quite the adventure, T-Bone our dog followed us, we shortly discovered he is a sissy-la-la, after another dog, which was very likely rabid ha, started barking at us he hid behind Stacie and I, putting us right in the middle of this near duel…Praise the Lord the dog eventually left. As we reached the waterfall area I was struck by the beauty of where I was, and once again asked, is this my life? Am I standing on a mountain overlooking palm trees out into the Caribbean Sea while goats and cows make sounds in the distance, with five of the most beautiful children I have ever seen? How did I become so blessed? I was reminded that I am His, I belong to my Creator who wants to share His creation with me…Lord help me to hear you in the silence, while embracing your beauty.

In the afternoon I played kickball with some of the boys, these boys are so talented, and are quick to teach me how to kick properly haha. How did I get so lucky? Is this my life? This afternoon Stacie and I took the older girls to jump-rope. I haven’t jump-roped so much since I was probably ten years old haha. Stac and I double-dutched and jumped at the same time, is there an age where you shouldn’t play jump rope game anymore? My answer? No way! I felt like a child again, care-free, enjoying life and being well-loved! Lord give me the faith of a child…..
In the evenings I have been going to the toddler home and visiting those children. Jessica, a young girl who has been here just over a year. She arrived here just before our trip in April 2010. She was extremely malnourished and small for her age, she could barely hold her head up from being so weak. Now, as soon as I walk into the room she runs up to me to be held. We sit in the rocking chair for a while and sing songs together. Today she said “I love you Bekah”. Is this my life? Lord help me to love like a child and run into your arms!

I always feel like these posts are scatter-brained. There are always a million things going on in my mind when I am trying to convey how I am feeling. So once again, I apologize. I have a lot of prayer requests this evening, so when you get a chance or if you think about us here in Haiti, I would appreciate some prayers on our behalf. Pray for the Holy Spirit to be revived in me and that I listen and hear his voice clearly. Pray for strength to know what to do when the kids are mis-behaving, but are simply acting out because of something in their past. Pray that I can love well. Pray for the kids here in Jacmel, we’ve made a doctor visit at least once a day, every day this week, nothing big, just a lot of ‘bugs’ going around. Pray for guidance in my life as well as the other staff here who are trying to determine what ministry with Hands and Feet looks like for them. Pray for our safety, I sometimes forget the reality that we are in Haiti. Pray for the Pierces (directors here) that they enjoy their time in Hawaii, as they just had a new grandbaby. Pray for teams that we have coming in throughout the summer. Pray that our hearts would remain pure and we would seek the Lord in everything that we do…..

Much love,
Scatter-brained Me,
Bek